Adam's Very Good Years
by BettyHT
Summary: Away from the Ponderosa, Adam tries to discover his dream and his future. He will travel and meet a number of people and have some adventures. His family hears of his travels in his letters home, but their letters rarely reach him so he doesn't know of most of the changes on the Ponderosa that occur during his absence.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_ "The weather here in Kentucky is more fierce than I thought it would be. There have been thunderstorms every other day, but I have still been lucky enough to ride some of the horses here and have some beautiful animals. Now, Pa, I know you never wanted racehorses, but these are magnificent animals. If you don't want them for a horse breeding operation on the Ponderosa, they should bring excellent prices in California and more than double the money I paid for them and the shipping costs. As you know, racing is getting very popular in California, and many people would like these horses to race, or for their stables to breed horses or simply to be status symbols. That's why I thought to buy them even though you and Joe may not choose to expand the horse breeding operations of the ranch._

_ "Here in Lexington, I've met some very nice people who have opened their home to me during my stay. They know how to run an excellent horse operation with well-designed stables and exercise rings as well as paddocks and pastures. The damage from the war was minimal here, and the ranch itself supplied many mounts for the Union cavalry. I hope that doesn't color Joe's opinion of the horses that will be arriving there soon. The Roland family that owns this horse farm lost family on both sides of the conflict, but like most here, they're looking to the future instead of the past. _

_ "Mr. Roland thinks that I will be disappointed in the next leg of my journey for he says the air, water, and land of New York City have suffered a great deal from neglect and overpopulation. His daughter Corinne though said that she envies me that trip because she would love to attend the plays and concerts that would be available if she lived closer to the city. I would certainly enjoy her company if that was possible, but it is not. I will be traveling on tomorrow and will write again when I have seen which of them is correct in their assumptions of how I will evaluate my time in the grand city._

_ "I'm sorry that I will not be in one place long enough for you to write to me, but if necessary, please contact my friend Bale Corrigan in New York. I will attempt to update my information with him as often as possible, and he has agreed to be a conduit for any necessary correspondence._

_ "As always, your loving son, _

_ "Adam."_

As Ben set the letter aside, he had to smile. He could hear the joy in his son's voice even in that short letter. Adam had already shaken off much of his sadness and seemed to have an excitement about life that had been missing with him for some time. Just a few weeks had made a considerable difference. Ben had been very worried about Adam when that first letter had arrived announcing that he would not be returning home from St. Louis. Now he had a plan, was organizing his future, and seemed to have some definite goals in mind. He also seemed to have noticed the young lady, and Ben found that reassuring as well. Ben had to hope that Adam would not face any serious setbacks or disappointments especially with no one there to help him. Of course, that was probably part of what he wanted too. He wanted to stand on his own and prove himself if only to himself. Then Ben grimaced a bit knowing how Joe would likely react. He had been in a sour mood ever since Adam had left, but perhaps the arrival of the horses could help soften the barrier that he had put up against his oldest brother. Suddenly Ben realized that he was accepting the idea of breeding and selling race horses or show horses. As Adam had mentioned, it would be a good source of profit, and there was little downside to it for their investment was minimal compared to the profits they might reap. He had a feeling he had been manipulated into this by his oldest son but had to admit it was well done. The letter had been written nearly two weeks earlier so Adam was likely in New York or perhaps even on his way to Boston.

Later, when Hoss and Joe read the letter, their reactions were predictable. Hoss had a big grin mentioning that Adam still had an eye for horses as well as one for the ladies. Joe acted as if he didn't even want to read it but did when Ben asked him to do so because there was a business proposition in there that they ought to discuss.

"I'm busy enough. He left and we've all got more work to do. He doesn't have to pile any more on me than I already have."

"Well, son, if that's your decision, the horses will only be here a short time until we can make arrangements with a broker in California to sell them for us. Just by getting here, they're probably worth three or four times what Adam paid for them. It will be a nice profit for the Ponderosa."

"That much?"

"Yes. I know I said I never wanted racehorses on the Ponderosa, but Adam made a few good points. They wouldn't be for our use, but to set up a moneymaking horse breeding operation. Of course, there might be times when we would like to cross-breed them for our horses too, but it's a moot point if they're going to be sold."

"Well, maybe we ought to take a look at them before we decide to sell them."

"Of course, if that's what you want, we can do that. They should be here soon. Adam sent this letter nearly two weeks ago."

Joe picked up the letter then to see if he could glean any more information from it. Hoss looked over Joe's head at their father who winked. Even from all those miles away, Adam was looking out for his youngest brother and trying to heal the emotional wounds he had caused. It was working too. When the horses arrived two days later, Joe said they ought to see what they could do about a racehorse breeding operation. He said if it didn't work, they could still sell the horses for a hefty profit. Of course, the operation would succeed because Joe was an excellent judge of horses and how to train them. Hoss helped with their care and loved the beauty of the horses' lines.

A month later, another letter arrived. Adam was in good spirits and said he agreed with what both Rolands, father and daughter, had said about New York. He had visited with friends, gone to the theater, concerts, the ballet, and the opera. Those last two made his brothers groan as Ben read the letter aloud. Adam said that Central Park was being developed and was a wonderful thought for a city of that size.

_ "Mr. Roland was correct in that the city has suffered from too much growth in too little time, but Central Park is a haven in this large city. It is a boon to public health, and a testament to how this country values its resources. I have no experience in designing something like this, but I must say I am impressed by what the designers hope to accomplish here. I have a room in a hotel that overlooks the area, and in the early morning, when traffic in the streets consists mostly of a few delivery wagons and street cleaners, I could almost imagine I am home. I do miss all of you, and wish that somehow I could do what I must without leaving you so far behind, but it cannot be done. I'm off to Boston next, but I fear it may have changed more than I wish. If it is anything like New York City, I shall visit only a month to revisit people and places I know before I leave for England._

_ "The port here is very busy, and I shall attempt to book passage directly from Boston. I hope to sail on a clipper ship and see the seas that you and my grandfather sailed. Perhaps I will see whales. I look forward to that very much."_

Ben's hand played over the ship-in-the-bottle that rested on a wooden stand on his desk. Adam had brought it back with him from his years in the east and presented it to his father on his return. He had said then that he wished he could sail the oceans and feel the wind in his face and see the stars above the ocean at night. He wanted to see whales, sharks, and dolphins as well as other creatures of the sea. He had talked of travel to Europe, but of course all of those things had been financially out of his reach then. Now he could afford to do those things, and Ben had to wonder if he had longed to do them all these years. He shook his head a bit as he realized he had never talked to his oldest son about what he wanted to do. He had always assumed he knew. He looked at Joe and Hoss who were clearly a bit concerned over his reaction to what had been a very positive letter.

"I never asked Adam what he wanted to do. I always thought I knew, and I incorrectly believed that his dream was the Ponderosa. What do you dream about doing?"

And the very thing that might have kept Adam on the Ponderosa began to happen for his brothers. They talked long into the night, and Ben went to bed nearly overwhelmed at what he had learned by one night of truly listening to his sons. He knew there were two things he needed to accept right away. Adam's idea of separating the Ponderosa businesses into separate legal entities was one. The other more manageable one was to hire a foreman. He and Joe had agreed to work on the first task, and Hoss had assumed responsibility for the second. Ben had no idea how tied down to the ranch his sons felt, and that sometimes it was almost to the point of feeling trapped. A foreman would alleviate some of that stress. As he looked out the window at the stars, he wished there was some way to let Adam know that his stiff backed unchanging father had finally bent to his sons' needs. Now he had regrets but as Adam had said months earlier, he would not wallow in them but would look forward to what he could do instead of what he had failed to do. It wouldn't be easy for him, but it would be a lot easier than having another son leave. He didn't think he could bear that, and it motivated him to change, which he didn't like to do, but it was well worth it.

Almost a month later, a third letter arrived. By the time they read it, they knew that Adam was on his way to England. He was no longer on the same continent, and it left an odd feeling in the pit of Ben's stomach. He knew he would worry a lot more now he couldn't even travel to be with Adam and wouldn't likely know if he needed anything anyway.

_"Much as I feared, Boston had changed a great deal from the years I spent here. It seems the leaders of the city have one motivation now and that is money. Much could be done for the public, but it will not be done until lives are more important than greed. Grandfather's ships chandlery is no more. It has been torn down and a monstrosity of a warehouse has been built at that location to handle the shipload after shipload of goods leaving here and the people and materials being offloaded. One would not want to fall into the harbor for what is there doesn't resemble water in any way. Offal and various other unidentifiable items float in a gray-green morass of various and sundry fluids one of which must be saltwater but only a chemist could be sure. I'm glad that I did not visit the waterfront in New York. I may not have even made the trip here if I had. I did visit my mother and grandfather and left flowers on their resting places. The best thing is that the flowers were beautiful as shops overflow the downtown where anything and everything is for sale. For some respite from the urban smells and noise, I attended a summer party on the Nantucket shores. It was a delightful time and very restful._

_ "I sail from Boston in a week's time. I am posting this letter from Connecticut because I am here to visit with Sam. He is doing a tour and I met him in Boston. He invited me to stay with him when he was in New Haven, and I was quite happy to do so. Sam isn't a married man either, and yet seems quite happy. He is beginning to make a very good income from his writing and his tours. He plans to spend some time in Europe, and I hope that perhaps we can meet there. I must say that it is an interesting thought to travel to Europe where I know no one, and no one knows me. It may sound strange to you but I am more nervous than when I left home to attend college. I hope to tour castles and cathedrals perhaps drawing and sketching some of them. I have no firm plans except that my next stop is London, and at some point I wish to see Paris and then Rome._

_ "Wish me well and say a little prayer for me now and then when you think of it. I pray for your safety and well-being every day, and will until I see you again."_

That last part nearly brought a tear to Ben's eye, but he had to smile at the pleasant tone of the letter and how excited he could tell Adam was about his plans. He had left home sad and beaten down, but now by these letters, it appeared he was rebounding very well. Ben did say a little prayer for him then, and vowed that he would do that every night and probably every morning until he saw him again. Hoss had listened intently not just to the words but also to the tone of the letter.

"Pa, he sure seems more like the old Adam in there. He's thinking and planning, but he sounds like he's got some of his old spirit back too."

Joe was more concerned. "If he's having such a great time, do you think he'll ever come back?"

No one had an answer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The day's light storm had stirred up the wind and waves but also helped the ship travel rapidly. Standing on deck at the rail, Adam held on tightly but reveled in the wind blowing through his hair and the light spray that occasionally blew up at him when the ship hit a wave particularly hard. Some of the crew thought him an unusual passenger who wouldn't stay down in his quarters when the seas were a bit rough, but those who loved the sea understood what he was doing and why. They were one week out from Boston. The air was fresh and the water reflected the sun's rays during the day as well as the moon's rays at night. Adam spent as much time on deck as he could. When it was calmer, some of the other passengers joined him, but most of the time he was alone. He had his thoughts and memories to occupy his mind. One especially nice memory was his week in Kentucky at the Roland home. He smiled as he remembered his first day there and the meeting with Corinne Roland.

The route from St. Louis to Lexington did not allow easy transportation by railroad. Adam had chosen to ride coaches and found the roads in much better condition than the ones between Virginia City and Placerville with much nicer scenery along the way. While in St. Louis, Adam had purchased clothing more suitable for the eastern part of the country and for Europe, but for a coach ride to Lexington, Kentucky, he opted to wear his black shirt, pants, and hat as well as his boots. They were all in good condition and freshly laundered before he set out on his journey so he looked very much the respectable, and he thought authentic, rancher when he disembarked at his destination and inquired of the station master how he could get to the Roland horse farm. Within an hour, he was on his way in a rented carriage that the liveryman said he could bring back in a week when he was leaving. Adam had made arrangements to meet with Mr. Roland to see about buying horses. After Adam proved himself a serious buyer in St. Louis, he had been invited by Mr. Roland to stay with him to facilitate the negotiations. Adam knew it was also to prevent him from going to other sellers, but Roland Farm came highly recommended so he had no intention of going elsewhere although Mr. Roland didn't need to know that.

Arriving at the farm, he was told that Mr. Roland and his daughter were at the far paddock and that he could walk there if he wished as they were exercising some of the yearlings. When Adam got there, Mr. Roland was very friendly, but his daughter looked with disdain at Adam. She knew that buyers were often made to feel out of place on a horse farm. This one had done his best to try to look like he knew his way around horses, but she had seen the carriage come down their long driveway. He hadn't ridden a horse to the farm as she would have done if she was a buyer. Adam Cartwright was introduced to Corinne Roland and smiled as ingratiatingly as he could, but she was barely polite. He decided to speak with her father then and ignore her if she didn't like his company. After about two hours, Adam had already made a few choices in his mind but didn't give away his preferences. When asked, he said that one in particular stood out as a spirited horse, but he wondered if anyone would be able to ride him. Corinne responded immediately.

"He's not a problem for a real horseman. Perhaps you would like to try riding him?"

There were a few barely concealed snickers among the grooms and trainers. Adam had a fair idea of what awaited him if he tried to ride the horse. He and his brothers had pulled that stunt on any number of men over the years, but somehow he wanted to show off for this woman. He did remember the last time he had ridden a horse that bucked, but he hoped this one was at least green broke as they would call him in Nevada. He couldn't back down.

"I'd like that. I haven't ridden anything in a few weeks so it would be good to get back in the saddle especially on that fine looking stallion."

Corinne had to give him that. At least he knew it wasn't gelded, but she wasn't sure if he knew what that might mean with a stranger getting on his back especially one heavier than any rider to whom he was accustomed. The grooms saddled him up and walked him around the paddock once before stopping in front of Adam and the Rolands. Adam stepped to the horse's side and rubbed his neck and talked softly to him. Corinne thought it was a delaying tactic.

"If you're afraid of him, we can get you an old mare to ride."

Ignoring her, Adam continued to rub the horse's neck and talk to him softly before he stepped to the side and mounted up. Corinne had expected him to be bucked off almost immediately by the spirited animal. Only Corinne and one trainer had been able to successfully ride him. He had a habit of riding under low tree branches even with that man as he tried to dislodge him when he wasn't paying attention. Instead he shied to one side and then to the other as Adam kept pressure on him with his knees and a firm hold on the reins. Adam kept the horse's head down and nudged him to ride to the pasture through an open gate. The horse saw his chance and began to run hard. Adam did his best to rein him in but saw a low hanging tree branch coming up too fast. He dropped to the horses neck and slid part way to the side until they were past the tree, and then his displeasure be known to the horse. He rode the horse in several tight circles letting him burn off some energy but not letting him have his head and run where he wanted. Soon the horse calmed and began to run more naturally. Adam gave him a chance to prove himself and the horse galloped around the pasture. Finally knowing he had pushed the animal rather hard, Adam rode him back into the paddock and got applause from the men standing there.

"He's in need of more training. He's got spirit, but he could hurt someone if he isn't made to follow some basic rules of behavior. Someone has been too lenient with him. He's a proud animal, and he'll win some races if he ever learns to behave himself."

"I trained him, and he's just fine with me."

"Well, that may be well and good if you plan to keep him as a pet, but if you want to race him or sell him, he needs more training and a firmer hand."

"You have no right to come in here and tell us what to do with our horses."

"No, but because you wanted me to ride this one, it seemed only logical that you would want my evaluation when I was done especially if you thought to sell him to me."

"I wouldn't sell you one of my horses if you paid double the asking price."

"I wasn't aware that I was buying horses from you. I thought I was buying from Roland Farm and that your father is the proprietor of this farm."

Staying calm and actually enjoying the exchange, Adam had to smirk just a bit. Corinne had had enough and stormed off to the house. Adam and her father silently watched her go.

"Sir, perhaps it would be better if I got a room in town and came back tomorrow to conduct our business."

"Nonsense, it isn't just that stallion that needs more training. I've never seen a man who could stand up to my daughter like that. Usually the man is the one slinking away."

"Mr. Roland, I'm not sure I'd call what she did slinking. It seemed more to be storming off. She doesn't know how to shoot, does she?"

Mr. Roland laughed and nodded. "She does, but she knows better than that. Please, call me Frederick. I think I am going to enjoy the next week very much. Let's go to the house. By now, my wife if wondering what happened." Adam looked a bit apprehensive at that. "Oh, don't worry about Corinne's mother. She's had as much trouble taming that girl as I have, and maybe more. She may enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed witnessing it."

"Why is she like that?"

"We had four children. The oldest three contracted measles and died. Corinne was just an infant and didn't get sick. We quarantined her and her mother when the others got sick. One by one they died. I know we spoiled her. But what was cute and endearing at eight and ten and not so cute and endearing any more."

"Oh, I don't know. She is rather attractive and certainly is spirited."

"Most men don't care for those characteristics. It may be one reason she acts that way. I don't think she ever wants to leave home. That's the other thing that happened. We sheltered her and kept her here so she has seen little of the world, and seems to have no desire to be anywhere else but here."

"My father probably wishes I felt like that." Frederick looked at him wondering what he could mean. "I felt smothered staying in one place. I wanted to travel and to have new experiences. I feel more alive than I have for years."

"That's too bad. Your family must miss you already. Don't you miss them?"

"I do, but if I had stayed I would have made all of them miserable." Frederick looked skeptical. "I am capable of being a real ass sometimes. My words can be terrible weapons. It's best if I don't unleash them on my family."

"Will you go back?"

"Someday but not for a few years. I have a lot I want to see and a lot I want to do. Then I'll think about going back."

The two men entered the house then. It was a comfortable house that was neat and clean but clearly had a woman's touch in the decorating. Frederick shrugged as Adam looked at him. "We made a deal years ago. I get to design and build the stables, paddocks, fences, grooms' quarters, riding rings, and anything else related to the horses any way I want, paint them any color I want, and so on. The outside of the house is mine to do with as I wish to make it match the rest of the buildings. Matilda gets to do whatever she wishes with the inside of the house. She does like a lot of frilly things."

Smiling, Adam sat in a comfortable leather chair in the study when Frederick offered some bourbon, and the two men talked until it was nearly time for dinner. Frederick told Adam that his things were in the guest room at the top of the stairs, and that he could freshen up for dinner. Frederick went into his bedroom to do the same. Adam cleaned up and dressed for dinner finding that he was not overdressed as he worried he might be because Frederick had also donned more formal wear for the occasion.

"I don't dress like this for dinner normally, but with a guest in the house, Matilda will expect it."

Shortly before dinner was served, Matilda came into the room because she just had to meet this man who had made her daughter so angry although as Corinne related the story, Matilda couldn't understand why her daughter was in fact that angry. Adam stood when Matilda entered and bowed his head when introduced. He took her hand and kissed the back of it before releasing it and giving her the full blown Adam grin. All she knew at that point was if she had been Corinne, anger would not have been what she was feeling. Doing her best to keep her composure, she told Adam and her husband that dinner was to be served shortly, and the three headed to the dining room where they found Corinne already seated and waiting for them. Dinner conversation was polite and conventional until Matilda had to ask a question.

"Have you ever met anyone like my daughter, I mean, any woman like her?"

Smirking just a little, Adam nodded. "Yes, I met a woman of fire once before. I liked her very much once we came to an understanding."

"What kind of understanding?"

"Oh, she had a sharp tongue, she broke my guitar over my brother's head, and rode off without checking her cinch even though I warned her about that."

"Oh, my, what did you do?"

"Besides spanking her?"

"You spanked her?"

"Yes, she needed it."

Until then that part of the conversation was between Adam and Matilda. Corinne took offense at the last sentence though. "No woman needs to be spanked. Only a cretin would think so."

"Oh, if a woman acts like a child, speaks without the constraints of adult conversation, and is rude and unruly, she may need a spanking. Margarita did. One can be a woman of fire, and still be mature."

"So now you're calling me immature?"

"I didn't in fact say that. You did."

"You are not being very polite."

"I'm trying to be polite, but the situation is making it very difficult."

"So now I'm difficult?"

"Again, that is not what I said, but feel free to express any more opinions about yourself. I'll simply nod if I agree."

"You are the most condescending ..."

Frederick put up his hand and forcefully squelched his daughter's retort with a loud "No more!" He waited until he was sure Corinne had stopped her tirade. "You have shown incredibly bad manners with our guest. You should apologize."

With fire in her eyes, Corinne did manage to choke out an "I'm sorry." It didn't sound genuine however. Adam did apologize for anything that had contributed to the exchange. Dessert was served then and there were no more fireworks. After dinner, Frederick wanted to retire to his study, but Adam declined saying he would prefer a chance to sit in the clean night air. Corinne walked out later not knowing he was sitting in the darkness. He didn't know how to let her know he was there without startling her so he simply made a quiet statement.

"I love a clear night."

Corinne spun around in shock wondering if he had followed her outside. Instead she saw that he was comfortably ensconced in a reclining porch chair with his legs crossed and resting on an ottoman. Seeing her look even in the moonlight, Adam could see that she had been scared.

"I am sorry that I frightened you. I could tell that you didn't know I was here, and I didn't know how to let you know without scaring you."

"I wasn't scared."

"Of course not."

"All right, you did surprise me some but that's not the same as being scared."

"Of course not."

"Are you always like this?"

"Hmm, yes, pretty much. I do tend to irritate a lot of people. It's never made me want to change though so I guess I'll go on irritating them until I die."

"Which could be sooner rather than later."

Adam started laughing then. She was a spirited woman, and she had a sharp wit. "Quite possibly."

"May I sit?"

"Of course. It is your home and not mine."

They sat quietly for a time until she asked if he knew the names of the stars. He walked into the yard with her and began pointing to various constellations and naming them. He told her his father had taught them to him. Matilda peeked through the study window and told her husband what she saw.

"He's a good man, and a good match for her, but he's leaving in a week. He told me he's going to New York and Boston before he heads to England. It's too bad. The two of them could have been good together. She's not likely to find another like him. Matilda, I worry. What if she never marries?"

"I know. I worry too, but maybe he'll be good for her so that she'll start taking an interest in other men. There must be one out there that will marry her and take over this farm."

The rest of the week had been fun for Adam and Corinne as they rode horses, talked, argued, and generally enjoyed each other's company. The night before he left, Adam had stood under the stars with her and kissed her for the first time, but it was to say goodbye. She found it difficult to speak after that kiss and knowing he was leaving the next day. They stood quietly together for a time before going inside to get some sleep. Adam stood on the deck of the ship smiling about their week together. He told himself that there were no regrets but in fact, he did regret not spending more time with her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

For much of the trip past the emerald green land of Ireland, Adam was on deck. The ship sailed close to land to avoid the big waves further out at sea. They were now in waters that were considered reasonably safe so more of the passengers were on deck and enjoying the views. Adam began singing some Irish songs that he had learned many years before and soon some of the crew joined in. The rest of the trip to London was uneventful. Although Adam appeared calm to any who might observe him, inside his heart and soul were in a joyous chorus as he filed away one sight after another. He was surprised to find London so large and dirty as he disembarked from the ship. It was three times larger than New York City as he would find over the next month as he visited every site he could sketching and drawing as he went. Shelley's words reverberated within him for it was "A Populous and smoky city." He well accepted too what Samuel Johnson had said of the city: "When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." He was excited to go out every day from the flat he had leased so that he could learn more.

Some of what he saw reinforced his beliefs that social inequality threatened democracy much as he had thought the same in New York and in Boston. There were many who lounged against buildings or slept in alleys after nights of heavy drinking. Trying to find a way to survive, women offered themselves to anyone who would have them. The streets were filthy, the waterways badly polluted, and the threat of violent crime was especially threatening at night. Adam stayed in most nights reading and planning the next day's activities. It was the best route to survival.

And yet it seemed that more and more came to the great city to find a chance to improve their lives. He heard accents of the Irish especially intermingled with the varieties of English accents, but there were German, French, and other accents as well especially when he traveled to the eastern parts of the city although he spent little time there. The western portions of the city had much more fashionable neighborhoods and nowhere was wealth as flaunted as in those. Adam noted that the social stratification of English society was well represented in London.

After a month of acting the tourist, Adam decided to do a bit of traveling about England before he thought to head to France. He planned an itinerary that would take him eventually to Leeds. He departed London one month after arriving there and rode by coach to the next town, Luton, where he spent the night. He hoped to call on Lord and Lady Dunstable while he was there but found that they were out of the country. He left a note expressing his regret at missing them, but by the end of the day, he had forgotten that disappointment entirely when he discovered the Luton town hall and St. Mary's church. Both were beautifully done structures although in completely different styles. He spent several days exploring the church especially and then walked through much of the smaller city before he took the train to the next town.

In Coventry, Adam discovered a clock and watch industry that rivaled the skill of the more famous Swiss artisans. He purchased four watches intending to send three home to Nevada with his next letter. He was only about one hundred miles from London, and yet it seemed he had passed into a different country. The population was almost exclusively English, the streets were not crowded, and there were many trees and much less of the urban filth that he had expected. It was here that he began to become most interested in castles. He was advised to visit Warwick and the famed castle there on a sandstone bluff at a bend of the River Avon. The river ran below the castle on the east side, and as Adam hiked around the castle walking toward the river, he heard a woman's screams. He found a disreputable pair accosting a well-dressed young woman and attempting to force her to go with them.

"You there, let the woman be."

"It none of your affair. Be on your way." The man pulled a knife then and waved it in what he considered a menacing way. He was a bit put off by the lack of fear in the man he hoped to scare off. Their plan had been to kidnap the young woman and hold her for ransom.

"I'm afraid I am making it my affair, and I've told you to let her be."

Adam was relatively confident in the situation because one thing he had noted of the various criminals in England was that they seemed to rely most on knives and only rarely on guns. He had a knife himself but didn't plan to take it out unless he was forced to do so. Sadly that is exactly what happened. His opponent seemed shocked at first to see a knife in the hand of the man interfering in his business, but he had to assume that a gentleman, even one with such an odd accent, would not be skilled in its use. He was wrong of course but had no basis for drawing the correct conclusion. He lunged at Adam with his knife and was rewarded with a slash across his knife arm.

"Hey, no need to do that. I was only tryin' to scare ya off. Now ya got me temper up, and you'll be paying for that."

The man lunged again, and was slashed across his arm once more. The second cut was deeper than the first causing him to drop his knife and grab his arm. The other assailant fled and was soon followed by the first man who was grasping his arm in a desperate attempt to staunch the flow of blood. Adam walked to the side of the woman who had been attacked as she watched the two flee.

"Are you all right?"

Turning to look at Adam, the woman appraised him thoroughly and then smiled. "Yes, I am. Your help is greatly appreciated. I was thinking to rest on the bank here and enjoy the cool breeze before riding home. I never anticipated that I would be attacked here within sight of the castle walls." There was the sound then of a horse being ridden away. "Oh, dear, I hope they have not taken my horse. It is one of my father's favorites, and he would be most displeased with me."

"Unfortunately, those sounds came from the direction where I had left my horse. It is likely they have taken the horse that I rode here." Offering his elbow to the lady, Adam assisted her up the bank of the river and through the trees to where he had left his horse. It was gone, and his companion couldn't help but smile.

"It appears that not only are you quite good at sending ruffians on their way, but you have provided their transportation as well."

Shaking his head, Adam smiled though at her gentle teasing.

"Please, if you will, we could ride double on my horse. He's over this way a bit." She led him to a small grove of trees where they found her horse happily munching on some grass. The horse was a powerful looking horse that stood much taller than the woman who had ridden him here. "My, those ruffians have robbed me of my good sense and manners. I should have thanked you profusely and introduced myself at once. I do so appreciate what you have done and the risk that you took to help me. I am Lady Constance Anne of Pembroke. My father, the Baron of Pembroke, will be most grateful for your gallant deed. Please, would you ride with me to my home?"

"My name is Adam Cartwright, and I would be most pleased."

Lady Constance offered to let Adam sit in the saddle after they of course had to lengthen the stirrups to accommodate his height, and then she reached up for his hand as he took his foot from the stirrup allowing her to use it. She turned and ended up sitting across his lap. It was almost an intimate position especially as she shifted to get more comfortable and pushed back into him. Adam reached around her and used the reins to turn the horse in the direction she had indicated. Within an hour, they arrived at a small stable. Lady Constance had proved to be very inquisitive and had, as they rode, learned much of Adam's recent history and why he was in England. As Adam helped Lady Constance to dismount, a groomsman came out to take charge of the horse. There was a large stone cottage there and Adam began walking toward it thinking it was her home. She smiled.

"No, Adam, that's where our groundskeeper lives. My home is this way." He offered his elbow for their walk and she led him up a well-worn stone path through a copse of trees. When they emerged, he saw that her home was a small square castle. The windows on the first level were very small and placed high, but the windows of the second and third floors were much larger. The castle had water on three sides and a wall that was gradually crumbling away protected the fourth side. He was curious to see a castle that was still occupied as a family dwelling, and his excitement caused him to pick up his pace.

"You like castles then?"

"I have been studying the architecture of England and have found it even more fascinating than I thought it would be, but I have not yet been inside a castle still being used as a residence."

"We live on the second and third floors. The first floor is where there are servants' quarters, the kitchen, a wine cellar, and other storage rooms. It can be quite dark down there. What you cannot see from this side are the second and third floor balconies that are over the moat."

"I would love to see those."

Smiling, Lady Constance led Adam into her home to meet her parents. She did tell him that she wanted to tell her parents what had happened, but for him to please not mention the knife the ruffian had been carrying because her parents were already too protective in her opinion. That all might have worked out very well except Lady Constance's mother was exceptionally observant and noticed a few drops of what looked like blood on Adam's pants leg and shirt sleeve.

"Mr. Cartwright, is that blood? Were you hurt in the altercation?"

"No, I'm sorry, but it isn't my blood."

With a severe look toward his daughter, the Baron insisted on the whole story. She shrugged and told Adam to explain what had happened from his point of view. He did downplay the threat as much as possible understanding fully how one could feel parents were being too protective. The Baron said he would be considering what to do about what had happened, but that first, Mr. Cartwright should be shown to a guest room.

"No, I'm sorry, but I have already taken a room in town. I only meant to tour the area and learn about the castles here. I do not mean to impose on your hospitality."

"Mr. Cartwright, we live by a traditional code of honor here. You have saved my daughter, and you deserve a boon. I shall have someone fetch your things from town and pay for the lost horse. You are welcome to enjoy our hospitality here for the duration of your sojourn. Now, I will have someone show you to a room."

"Thank you, sir, but I must admit I am not well schooled in the proper form of address for a baron."

"Well, to be honest, those titles do tend to make me think of my father and grandfather. For the duration of your visit here, please call me Robert, and this is my wife, Olivia. Connie may show you to a room now if you would like so that you can freshen up as I'm certain she must be anxious to do by this point." The Baron's pointed look at her riding garb strongly suggested that he intended that she change into something more appropriate for a lady to wear when entertaining a guest in their home.

Connie was wise not to disagree with him then and motioned toward the stairs. She and Adam walked slowly up the staircase as he admired the construction of the building and the craftsmanship in the interior woodwork especially the staircase and the wood framing the massive fireplace. He mentioned that to Connie who had to disagree a bit.

"It looks quite nice, but this is such a chilly and damp place much of the time. The fireplace provides warmth if you're within ten feet of it, but otherwise I'm afraid most of the heat goes up the chimney instead of into the living quarters. The windows look quite nice, but the wind blows right through them. There are so many drafts in here that one can scarcely let a paper lie on a desk for fear it will blow about the room with the slightest breeze outside."

"Perhaps there are some modifications that could be made to maintain the authenticity of the structure but improve its functionality."

"That's funny. You sound a bit like an architect but at least one with a respect for history."

"I am an architect. I studied that and engineering and business when I attended college."

"You have a degree then?"

"I completed four years of study in college, yes, but I'm afraid I do not have what traditionalists would consider a proper degree. I studied what I wanted to know."

"Oh, you must tell father after dinner. He would be most interested if you have any suggestions that would improve our home without losing any of its historical integrity."

"I would be most pleased to do so. That is exactly the kind of thing I would like to try."

They had arrived at the door of the guest room, and Connie opened the door for Adam to enter. "I must change now because father expects it, but I do appreciate these riding clothes far more that formal dresses."

"I appreciated them as well, my lady."

Grinning as she turned to walk to her room, Connie threw back a comment that startled Adam and then made him smile. "I knew you did, my gallant American cowboy. I most certainly knew you did."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Robert, your windows are set in masonry. If they were set in a wooden frame, they could be made more secure against the weather."

"Adam, wouldn't the wooden frame have the same problem as the wooden windows?"

"No, we could frame the frame with more wood with caulking underneath where it could not be seen. The frames would look more massive then which is suitable to the style of the rest of the building. There could be a stove in each room as well and the smoke would be piped into the main fireplace of the living area, or into the chimney hidden behind the opposite wall that carries the smoke from the kitchen. Your rooms would be much warmer in poor weather, and it would keep the dampness at bay as well."

"Do you have any suggestions for what we could do in warm weather to cool the bedrooms because each has only a single window opening onto a balcony?"

"Yes, it is rather a simple fix. Because you are on the third floor, putting a transom window above each bedroom door would create a natural airflow from down below. Southern homes in the United States have been doing this for a couple of centuries to naturally cool their homes."

"Are there any other suggestions that you have?"

"The other suggestions I have are only for purposes of aesthetics. The balconies are a modern addition, and they look it. I would replace them with more massive ones of dark oak in fitting with the style of your castle. The balusters as well as the railing and brackets should be done in more of a classical style with curves that would accent the massive stone of the walls. Doing so would allow the balconies to project about a foot further from the structure allowing chairs to be placed on them if you wished."

"That sounds wonderful, and you have proven your knowledge as an architect, but I'm afraid the expense of doing all of that would be prohibitive. The estate does not generate enough income for so many changes."

"The biggest expense would be labor. I am available if you would exchange room and board for my work. Your groundskeeper has already said that he has nearly all of the tools I would need. The next expense would be the stoves so perhaps you would like to get only two to start and we could outfit the master bedroom and Anne's bedroom? The next project I would suggest would be the windows. The balconies are functional if inappropriate to the style of the building, but they should be done last. They will also take the most time."

"You would work with your hands yourself and do all of this?"

"I would be happy to do so. I would need a few days each week to travel and visit other castles and cathedrals or any other unique structures. Otherwise, I would be available to work."

"How long do you estimate this would take?"

Because he had already consulted with the head groundskeeper and his assistant, Adam was ready with an answer for Robert. "I think that if Oliver and Basil would be available to help me as needed, the work could be done in a year. I would have to sit down with you and determine your priorities as to which tasks we would tackle first."

"Why are you so interested in doing this? It seems a man with your education would leave the work to hired men."

"I'm thinking of writing a book on the architecture of castles, and the theme could be how to refurbish and modernize them and keep them authentic. I have many sketches already, but this job would give me first hand knowledge that I could use. I would have calculations and measurements to use as examples."

"I can't imagine that such a book would be particularly popular."

"It would be with European architects, and it would be something lasting that I could create. The castle renovations here would also be something concrete that I would have accomplished on my own."

"I have one caveat to add to the understanding we have reached. When you go on your sojourns to visit other castles and to see some of the grand buildings such as cathedrals, I would like you to take Connie with you. You have proven yourself an able bodyguard, and she should not be traveling about unescorted. She would bristle if I hired a man to do it, but if you would do it, I'm quite sure she would accept the arrangement."

Adam hesitated before answering. Connie had mentioned to him that she had lobbied her father for just such an arrangement the night before. She had warned him not to agree to readily for if he seemed too eager to do it, her father might reconsider the proposition. "I don't know. There are times when I plan to be gone for two or three days. Would it be seemly for her to be in my company under such circumstances?"

"Certainly. She would have her room and you would have your room if any overnight accommodations were to be necessary. It would not be unusual for a young lady and her bodyguard to stay in the same establishment and eat their meals together. She would be much safer that way."

"Then I accept the caveat. I need to spend some time measuring and drawing so that I can get started on producing the items I will need."

Over the next few days, Adam did a number of drawings of the rooms with the improvements. Each was submitted to Robert for his approval. Four stoves were ordered as well as the stovepipes necessary to install each one. Robert had decided that he would outfit four bedrooms before the windows were reinstalled. Adam continued to take his meals with the family. Robert considered him an artisan and not of the class to spend a year at their dining table and living in a guest room, but he had offered his hospitality and could hardly renege on it at this point. He would have to find a suitable excuse if any of his class chose to comment on the situation.

Because he needed to go to town for paper for drawing and writing, Adam asked Connie if she would like to go. In just their limited conversations to this point, he was well aware of how restricted she felt because her father would not allow her to go anywhere unescorted. The day was sunny and mild so it would be a good day to take a shopping trip. As they drove to town in a carriage, Connie pointed out features of the countryside and explained some of the history of the area.

"You know a lot about your home. Not many people seem to be so interested in the history of their immediate environment."

"Oh, I study it, history, I mean. Father says that is why I think I'm always right. He said people who study history are like that. I have a lot of books on the history of England. You would be welcome to read any that you wish. I have them in my bedroom." She fluttered her eyes mimicking a coquettish look, and that made Adam laugh.

"Yes, I can picture it now when your father finds us in your bedroom. Baron, I'm sorry, but she wanted to show me her books. Do you think he would believe that?"

"He might. You haven't even kissed me so how could anyone suspect anything between us at this point?"

"At this point?"

"Yes, I'm still hoping you will kiss me at some point, but I can be patient when I need to be patient."

Pulling back on the reins, Adam halted the carriage to look at Connie. "I get the feeling that your father would not be happy hearing you say that."

"Maybe that's one of the reasons I want to kiss you. Of course, it doesn't hurt that you were my knight in shining armor, and that you sleep across the hall from me so my dreams are filled with you." Laughing gently then at his look, Connie had to tease him a bit. "Now don't look so worried. I'm not going to ravish you and steal your innocence away. Oh, if you take too long deciding when to kiss me, I might, but for now, I can wait."

Shaking his head, Adam had to smile at her audacity. At least if he did move to kiss her, he wouldn't have that perennial fear of rejection. That sobered him a bit as he thought back to his failed relationships. Connie saw the very slight change in his demeanor and slipped her arm through his elbow to sit closer to him.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I only thought to tell you that I like you very much. I thought we were close enough already that I could be completely honest with you."

"You didn't upset me with anything you said, and I do value your honesty. That's important to me too. It's just that relationships with women haven't worked out well for me in the past. I had thought I would only look forward and never back, but I'm afraid those demons are not so easily banished."

Connie looked up at him then and touched his cheek. "I'm sorry you have had such sadness."

That gentle touch and genuine emotion broke the last of Adam's reserve. He leaned down to kiss her and gently brushed his lips across hers as he wrapped his arms around her pulling her close. There was no resistance as she relaxed into his embrace. He probed her lips with his tongue and she opened to him. The kiss was passionate but controlled for they were stopped on a public road. Hearing some noise, they broke the kiss as another conveyance came around the curve in the road. Adam tipped his hat to the other driver who smiled and did the same. Connie giggled a bit when the other vehicle had gone.

"That could have ended your visit here very quickly. He owns the shop that sold the materials to my father for the renovations. I'm sure he would have mentioned something if he had seen anything. We shall have to be very careful."

"How upset would your father be if he found you kissing a commoner?"

"Exceptionally. He already thinks that you do not know your place, but because you are an American, he is allowing you some leeway, and of course, he needs your help with our home."

"So you must marry a proper gentleman and produce an heir?"

"No, that's not it. My brother is married and his son will follow him in succession."

"You have a brother?"

"Yes, he is in army service. He will come home once that is completed. His wife and child live with her parents now. It is probably her family that concerns my father most at the moment. They would be shocked to find you staying with us for an extended period especially as you work with your hands."

"Doesn't anyone with wealth do any actual work here?"

"Oh, heavens, no. That's what solicitors and factotums are for. Father gives the orders, and the work gets done. Does your father work as you do?"

"Not so much any more. He has a lot of paperwork to do with the Ponderosa."

"What's a Ponderosa?"

"It's our ranch. We have about a thousand square miles of Nevada with herds of cattle, horse breeding operations, timber cutting, and a lumber mill as well as investments in a number of silver and gold mines. I expanded our investments by buying shares in a lot of other things before I left." At Connie's incredulous look, Adam had to smirk. "You didn't think I needed this job, did you?"

"I'm rather embarrassed to admit, I did. My father certainly thinks so. He thinks that he is repaying his debt of honor to you by employing you. Why did you accept the job if it isn't for the support you receive."

"I get to live in a castle, and I get to use my education. I also get a significant amount of information to write a book about castles."

"But you work with your hands. I thought that you said you didn't like working on your father's ranch?"

"Riding herd, branding, fixing fences, and breaking horses definitely lost its appeal after so many years of it. I felt I was wasting my life doing what any cowboy would do for thirty dollars a month. I felt most needed and fulfilled when I was negotiating contracts or working on investments, but in between there was a lot of dreary work."

"But you must be a wealthy man?"

"I guess my family is wealthy, but that doesn't mean we think we shouldn't work. We hope to leave a heritage for the next generation and would expect them to leave something for their children and grandchildren as well."

"But you said that none of you are married. From where will this next generation come?"

"Joe's young enough yet, and Hoss certainly would be a great father if he could just pick the right woman for him."

"And you?"

"I guess, at this point, I am the prodigal son."

"Hardly, but we should get going. My father will definitely be suspicious if we do not return before dinner." For the rest of the day, Connie was very quiet as she observed Adam and thought about all that he had said.

As they neared her home, Adam had a proposition. "Tomorrow, I'm going to Stratford-upon-Avon. I had intended to head that way after I took a good look at Warwick Castle, but I had to rescue a beautiful lady instead. Would you like to accompany me there?"

"I most certainly would, but they are holding a smaller version of the original Shakespeare Jubilee there in a month. They will hold a big one in four years because it will be the one hundredth anniversary of the original one. This will be small but just as well done so perhaps next month would be a better time to visit there. Kenilworth Castle ruins would be a wonderful sight for you to see instead though. It was one of the largest castles built in all of England and it is not too far from here. Even the ruins there are impressive."

"Your father won't mind you traveling with me?"

"We should invite Mother to come with us. She likes to visit that castle ruin too, and that would alleviate Father's suspicions of your intentions if we invite Mother to come with us on occasion."

"You are a bit of a rebel but devious about hiding it, aren't you?"

All Connie could do in response to that was to smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

"It is not proper for you to be traipsing about the countryside with this man. You and he are of different classes. When he was your escort for safety, that was acceptable, but I have heard rumors that the two of you have been seen to be too close for that type of relationship. You know how people watch us and spread gossip about us. How could you be so flagrantly irresponsible?" Robert was incensed at his daughter's behavior after hearing from his cousin who had heard from another cousin that his daughter and Adam Cartwright had hugged when touring the ruins of Pontrefact Castle. He had been reluctant to let her go on another jaunt with the man who was working for him, but she had pleaded with him, and he had relented against his better judgment. Now there was gossip, and Robert didn't care whether it was true or not. A dalliance with a commoner was not unheard of in his circles, but to be so indiscreet as to allow that to become rumor and gossip was intolerable.

"We talk and sometimes when we walk, Adam takes my arm as any gentleman would. You can imagine that walking about castle ruins is not the easiest thing to do. We talked about it for weeks before going there. Shakespeare wrote about it, which intrigued Adam, and I have to admit that his curiosity has piqued my interest in the history of castles again. He has quite a bit of research for his book already."

"His book, pshaw. He's no more an author than he is a proper gentleman."

"Father, he and his family own a thousand square miles of land, herds of cattle and horses, as well as any number of businesses. He is part of a wealthy family. I have told you this many times. Why can't you believe it?"

"Any man with such resources would not stoop to accept a job renovating a castle for room and board. He is dishonest if he has convinced you otherwise. Anyone with that kind of property and investments would not work with his hands like any commoner."

"We have one more trip already planned. We want to go see Rochester Castle. Adam has met Charles Dickens who told him about it. Mr. Dickens was very intrigued by it, and now Adam is as well.

"You believe him when he says he met Mr. Dickens in the wilds of America?"

"I do. He has corresponded with him while he was here. I saw one of the letters he received from him."

"That doesn't mean anything necessarily, but I suppose he might have met him at some point. I still refuse to believe they could be friends. Now about that castle visit, why is it so important?"

"There is quite a lot of history with that castle, and I was going to explain that to Adam as he sketched it. Please, just one more trip?"

"Very well, but you must be discreet. I will have no more embarrassment from your dalliance with this man. You must be thinking of a proper marriage to one of your suitors."

"Father, none have called on me in months. They are all old men who want a young wife to show off to their friends."

"They are not much older than Mr. Cartwright, and you find him attractive enough, it seems."

"He's younger in so many ways than those men. He's muscular and masculine in every way."

"Please, do not speak like that with me. It isn't proper."

"Very well. We will be leaving quite early tomorrow morning. Adam will have the carriage packed and ready to go as soon as it is light enough to travel."

Robert had no fear that Adam would hear them. A month earlier, Robert had maneuvered Adam out of the castle and into the cottage by having some relatives visit. On pretense of needing the guest rooms, Robert asked Adam to move his things to the cottage temporarily. Of course, he had not found occasion to ask him to move them back into the castle. Adam was only at the castle now to work on the balconies. He had finished installing the stoves and transom windows, and had reset the windows on the second and third floors as he had said he would. Robert had to admit he was a skilled and hard-working man who had accomplished more in the past seven months than most workmen would have done in a year or more. The castle was warmer and less drafty than it had ever been, but as soon as Adam finished the balconies, Robert intended to pay him a fair amount to leave.

For months, Adam and his daughter had been touring castles and had attended the Shakespeare Jubilee celebration as well as some fairs. Robert knew that Adam made his daughter happy, but there were so many things that were far more important than her happiness. Her brother would be home in a few months, and there was a chance that one of them would be tapped for the House of Lords. One of the members was aged and without any direct heir. It had been a matter of intrigue among those eligible to take his place, but Robert had successfully lobbied a number of men who would benefit from the Baron or his son taking that spot. There could be no unsavory gossip for it could ruin their chances of securing that spot. He and Olivia had suspected that something had happened between Adam and Connie months earlier when they had taken an overnight trip to Framlingham Castle in Suffolk. Until then it had been day trips to the many small castles and castle ruins in the Midlands. They had not thought anything unusual about the two making those short trips, but apparently a strong relationship was developing between the two and Robert meant to end it, but he did want his home renovated first. Many of his peers were talking about the changes he had made and envied him for it.

Unknown to Connie's parents, she and Adam had become close long before anyone else was aware of it. Connie had longed for a more intimate relationship than kisses and hugs, but there was no opportunity for them to do any more than that. She wondered what would happen when Adam finished the castle renovations and was fairly certain that Adam would leave at that point. Until then, she intended to enjoy every minute that she could spend with him. As she walked down the path to the stone cottage to let Adam know they could go to Rochester Castle, Connie reminisced about the time she had been able to spend with Adam. The day trips to the nearby castles had given them time to talk and get to know one another. Adam was very careful never to kiss her or hug her when there were people around. Usually they tried to find a secluded spot for a picnic, and it would be there that he would wrap his arms around her and kiss her passionately. He showed the utmost restraint and there were times when she fervently wished he wouldn't. The trip to Suffolk with a stay at an inn would be the first time that there might be something more than kissing, hugging, and touching. She hoped so very much even though she had no experience with a man other than what she had already done with Adam, but he stirred longings in her that she didn't understand but wanted very much to satisfy. When they had been at Pontrefact, she had been bolder with him than she had ever been.

"Sweetheart, you have to stop doing that. When you brush against me or push up against me, it makes it very difficult for me."

"What would you like me to do then?"

"Just asking a question like that does things to me, and you know it too. Why are you teasing me so much today."

"Maybe it's not teasing. Maybe I would like to do more with you. You always say no, and then you pull away from me. Don't you want to?"

"I want to more than you could ever know, but it would be wrong unless there was some chance that we could be together. You deserve a lover who will be by your side and not one who is only here temporarily."

"It could be more permanent."

"You know that's not true. I'll be leaving here in a few months. Someday, I'll be going back home to Nevada. Your family not only would never allow you to be with me, they would absolutely forbid you to leave the country. We can have a romance but no more."

"But I think I'm falling in love with you."

"Have you ever been in love before?" Connie dropped her head. She hated it when his years of experience made her feel like a schoolgirl. She was a woman, and she knew what she wanted, but it was as if he could read her mind. "Right now, you think you want to be with me, and that any price is acceptable. That's not right, and you'll know it someday. Your family is important to you, and you could never stay away from them, or if you did, you would come to hate the man who took you away from them."

"I could never hate you."

"I would like to think that's true, but I'm afraid that there's too much difference between us to allow a relationship to be sustained."

"Wouldn't you fight for me?"

Leaning back on an elbow that day, Adam looked at Connie and knew that there was so much of the world she didn't understand despite her rather encyclopedic knowledge of English history. "Once my brother Hoss and I were accosted by three men who had knives and demanded we turn over our wallets. We were in San Francisco and headed to the theater at the time."

"What did you do? Did you have a knife and fight them like you did those people who attacked me?"

"No, I drew a pistol that I was wearing inside my jacket and told them to drop their knives. They did, and my brother Hoss told them that it's an old rule: don't bring a knife to a gunfight."

Connie chuckled but then asked why he had told that story.

"Here in England, your father has the pistols and I have a knife. I could never win a fight if it ever came to that."

"You could try."

"Now you want me to be the tragic hero and die for my beloved?"

"I'm your beloved?"

"I do care for you a great deal, but I'm sorry that I will not die for your hand. You knew from the start, as I did, that we were only going to have some pleasant times together, and then it would be over."

"If I had a baby, they'd have to let us be together."

"Are you sure? Is that a risk you would be willing to take? Remember that you would be risking an innocent life too. No, that's not an option. Please, now can we finish our walk around the ruins, and then I would like some time to sketch them."

Connie had nodded in agreement, but since then, she had argued with herself back and forth over that very issue. She still had not made up her mind, but she hoped that with two days, and some privacy in Suffolk, they could come to a decision. She had one other option she was going to ask Adam to consider, but she couldn't tell him until they were in Suffolk. She couldn't take a chance at being overheard. They had made plans to go to Stonehenge too in a few weeks, but Connie wondered if they would be able to do that. If they could go, it would present them with another option.

When she reached the stone cottage, she was stopped in her tracks by what she saw. The day was warm, and Adam was working at creating the balusters for the balconies. He had removed his shirt, and the sweat made his skin glisten. She had not seen him like that before, and it took her breath away. She watched him work for a time as the muscles worked beneath the skin and kept her eyes focused on his chest, arms, and back as he worked and moved back and forth.

With his head still down and eyes focused on his work, Adam startled her when he spoke. "Are you going to stand there staring at me or come over here to talk with me?" She smiled then knowing that some of what she had seen was undoubtedly Adam showing off a bit for her. He liked to do that on occasion, and she liked it when he did.

"I was simply admiring the scenery." She smirked and he looked at her with a grin. "Father gave me quite a lecture about our behavior. It seems we were seen being too friendly when we were at Pontrefact." Adam looked up quizzically. "No, they only saw you take my arm and apparently thought it was too much contact for my escort. We were very discreet where we had our picnic. I'm sure no one saw us kissing. If they had, Father would have me locked in my room right now, and he might be chasing you down with those guns you like to talk about."

"So the trip to Suffolk is still all right?"

"Yes, but we must be extremely discreet. It wouldn't surprise me if Father had someone watching us now."

"Perhaps we should keep our distance from each other. Any contact puts a lot at risk."

"I know. I feel like a bird in a cage."

"And your father looks at me as if I'm the cat that's after his bird. We can still talk and enjoy being together."

"Adam, when we're in Suffolk, and have some privacy, we should talk."

"We can talk, but I don't think there's a likelihood that we're going to find a solution to this dilemma. Sometimes you have to accept what you cannot change." Connie nodded. There didn't seem to be a solution. She supposed they would have a pleasant enough time while he was still there, but she could think of no way to get him to stay longer nor for any way for her father to accept him. They did make the trip to Suffolk, but were very discreet. Neither wanted to jeopardize the time that they had left together. However they did enjoy a great laugh when they were standing in the keep of Rochester Castle as Adam admired the curtain wall protectively enclosing the entire stone castle.

"Lots of fairs and festivals are held on this green, and probably will be for hundreds of years more."

"There's a lot of damage here. Was this castle under siege a lot?"

"Yes, it is one of the castles that was most useful for protecting London from attack, but it has also been used by those who would rebel against a king. The worst damage was done by King John after he signed the Magna Carta. He was supposed to get this castle for the crown as part of that agreement, but some of the nobles reneged, supplied themselves well, and barricaded themselves in here. He tried to tunnel under the walls to collapse them but it didn't work. Finally, he used forty pigs to win."

"Forty pigs?"

"Yes, he used the fat of forty pigs to start an extremely hot fire which downed one of the towers of the keep. However, the rebels didn't quite give up then but used the other side to continue their resistance. But his assault had robbed them of a lot of their supplies so eventually they had to give up. He only had the leader executed, but he spared the lives of all of the others. Quite magnanimous actually."

Adam laughed then at the whole story but especially at the comical way Connie had told the story. She joined in. Both of them were very comfortable in each other's company. Connie sat on a large stone next to Adam who had taken out papers for sketching. "I like these curtain walls. The one here and the one at Framlingham are very impressive. I want to do some sketches here before we leave." They sat as close as they could without violating rules of propriety. They only did that when they were sure there was no one watching. Adam was becoming more and more uncomfortable with the situation, but he couldn't think of any way to improve it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Dear, if I could do something to help you, I would. I would have done almost anything to marry for love instead of solidifying family connections and bringing political and economic gain to our families, but my parents insisted that I marry Robert. He has been a kind and thoughtful husband." Olivia had been going on some of the day trips to visit castles. They had been to Seckington Castle as well as a longer trip to Tutbury Castle where they were forced to take rooms in a nearby town when the weather turned stormy. On this trip, they were at Tamworth Castle, and this was probably the final trip they would take together as Adam was putting the finishing touches on the balconies and would soon be finished with the renovations. As she got to know Adam, and saw how happy her daughter was while in his company, she hoped there could be a way to allow them to be together, but like them, she could think of no way to convince Robert that is was acceptable. She had heard Connie telling Adam about how haunted this particular castle was said to be, and then she had heard Connie say that she wished they could keep visiting castles so that she would be able to see him even after he left. The catch in Connie's voice had been enough to confirm to her mother how much Connie wanted to be with Adam.

"You know how we feel then, Mother?"

"Yes, I think anyone who knows you is well aware of your feelings for Adam. He guards his feelings so much better, but he has a look in his eyes when he looks at you that says that he cares as well." Deciding to be direct because there was no one close by who could overhear, and she did want to know, Olivia had to ask. "Do you love my daughter, Adam?"

Taken aback by the unusually direct question from Olivia who had always seemed so reserved, Adam did answer honestly. "I care for your daughter a great deal. I'm not sure if I love her enough to ask her to go with me though. I've told her this. She would miss her family too much if she severed ties with you by leaving with me over her father's objections. She would resent me for it and eventually hate me for it. It is unsavory to think of running away as a way to start a life together. Unless there is some way to convince Robert that we could be together, I think that I will be leaving within a month."

"Where will you go?"

"I still have a few buildings I would like to see. The Priory at Dunstable, the Tower of London, and Dover Castle are on my wish list yet. I'm nearly done with my book, and I hope to meet with publishers in London to see if there is any interest in it. Then I plan to cross the Channel to France. I think that I will stay in Calais for a time before going to Paris."

"You could leave with this unresolved?"

"Olivia, if there was a way to resolve it, I would stay until it was settled. As it is, I am only prolonging the inevitable by staying, but I promised to finish the renovations, and I will. I told Connie that sometimes you have to accept what you cannot change."

"That's true. Did you know that Robert is planning a large party as soon as you are gone? He wants to show off the renovations and celebrate his place in the House of Lords, but he won't do it while you're still here. I think he fears that someone else will see your work and want to have you renovate their castle and keep you here longer."

"I have no interest in becoming a professional castle renovator. I have lived in a castle, learned about castles, and now I'm ready to move on to other goals."

"Getting married is not one of your goals then?"

"It could be, but I haven't done well in that regard. I'm not going to count on it. Just like here, it has never worked out, and it isn't going to work out here either, is it?"

Quietly listening as Olivia and Adam talked, Connie had tears in her eyes. She knew too that it was unlikely that her father would ever relent, and although she was a bit rebellious, Adam was correct. She believed that she could not turn her back on her family and never see them again. The rest of the time spent in Warwickshire was bittersweet. Adam was proud of his accomplishment and felt gratified to have been able to use his education so well. The castle looked good inside and out, and it was far more comfortable for living.

At the end of the month, Adam bid the family goodbye and headed for London. He and Connie had said very little as they parted, and he kissed her even though her father was watching. He had refused the payment that the Baron had offered preferring instead to honor the original agreement. The Baron wasn't happy about that, but he had been surprised.

Once Adam found a place to stay in London, he spent some time there meeting with publishers and editing his book as per their instructions. On a whim, he had added a tongue-in-cheek chapter at the end of the book with the premise that if a castle was haunted, as many were reported to be, occasional tours for tourists could generate revenue to pay for renovations and upkeep. The publishers liked that chapter so much that they wanted to serialize it in one of the major newspapers. That meant that Adam was in London even longer than he had expected and not only saw the Tower of London, but got to visit a number of other buildings that he had missed on his first visit. The arrangements for publication could not be finalized, but the publishers said they would let him know as soon as they could. Adam promised to send a forwarding address when he had one.

Trying to write without giving too much away of his inner turmoil, Adam had also written and posted his last letter from England to his family letting them know he was soon going to be on the move again. As he stood on the cliffs of Dover the day before he was scheduled to leave England, he reminisced about his travels to that point. He had been very happy to learn that his purchase of thoroughbreds and quarter horses had led to a major horse breeding operation on the Ponderosa. Joe had even written him a letter telling him all that he had done and thanking Adam for the horses and the idea. Adam smiled as he thought about that. One of the reasons for the horses had been to do something that would let Joe know that Adam still thought of his family and the Ponderosa and that he loved both. He smiled too knowing that the Ponderosa had a full time foreman although with the improbable name of Candy. Hoss had been very enthusiastic in his letters talking about how well that was working. As pleasant as those memories were though, Adam's smile faded as he thought about the two women he had left behind already. He wondered if he would ever find a woman who would go with him to Nevada when he was ready to go home. From letters he had received, it seemed his brothers were still no closer to finding wives either, but both still seemed very happy with their lives. By the time, Adam was settling into a rented flat in Calais, his family received his letter.

Leaning back in his red leather chair, Ben read Adam's letter. He knew his younger sons would be happy to hear that another letter had arrived, but they would probably be less happy to know that Adam was continuing on his journey and probably was already in France. It would likely be some time before they could communicate with him again. At that point, Ben had no way of knowing that Adam would not receive any of the letters they sent after this point in time as he moved before any letter could catch him. Many changes would occur on the Ponderosa to surprise him when he did return. A short time later, Candy walked in with Hoss and Joe. Candy was living in the main house now, and Ben felt like he had another son again. He read the letter from Adam and the four of them discussed what they had learned.

"Well you must be so proud to have a son who has lived in a castle and written a book."

"Hey, Candy, Pa's proud of all of us, aren't you, Pa?"

"Yes, Joseph, I'm proud of all of you, but keep your feet off the table."

Hoss was quiet though until Ben asked him what he was thinking. "Pa, don't it seem like maybe that gal was more important to Adam than just being the daughter of the man he was working for? I mean, he talked in letters about how the two of them were touring castles and went to that Stonehenge place, and about how they talked about things, and that she knew all about history and such. Then all of a sudden, he's leaving and there ain't nary a word about her at all. It's like ifn he didn't mention her, we wouldn't think about her."

"Hoss, I had the same feeling. Something was missing in this letter with no mention of her. It was so businesslike and not at all as joyful as I would have expected considering his accomplishments."

"Ya think his heart done got broken again?"

"I wouldn't be surprised. If he gave his heart to a member of the nobility, then he must have known it could never work out for him." Ben sat silently and was a bit morose. Joe decided a change of topic was in order.

"Hey, speaking of ladies, I met a new gal in town. She agreed to go with me to the dance on Saturday. Hoss, you going? Candy, how about you?"

Discussion turned to the dance then, but Ben and his sons couldn't help worrying a bit about Adam and what he was doing. He was however not as heartbroken as they feared. He was spending his days in Calais drawing. This time, it wasn't castles or cathedrals. He was sitting up on a hill and drawing pastoral scenes. He had spent weeks sketching boats in the harbor at Calais and then people in the streets. He wanted a broader perspective than what he had been getting and thought that drawing these scenes would help him. As he sketched on one sunny day, he heard someone walk up behind him. He continued to draw until he was satisfied that he had captured the scene as well as he wanted.

"Madame, are you going to talk with me or only look over my shoulder as I work? Your child must be getting very curious as to why you do not speak to me."

"How did you know?"

"I heard you walk up, and your tread and that of your child told me." Adam turned then and was surprised at the beauty of the woman who had stood there watching him draw. "I hope I did not offend."

"Not at all, monsieur, but I am surprised at your French. It has a distinctive accent that I cannot place."

"Probably because it is a product of spending years in Boston, living in Nevada, and then having a sojourn in England for over a year as well as learning French from a professor who had spent his entire life in New England. I fear my Latin and my Greek would have the same inexplicable accent."

"You do speak very well then for an American."

"Thank you. I believe the people of Calais are responsible for that. I have been practicing on them since I arrived. They have been most helpful in correcting my errors."

Laughing lightly, she had a comment for that. "And probably a look of disdain as they corrected the ignorant American."

"Yes, they do look a bit haughty when I misspeak. Perhaps you would be willing to give me a few lessons. I seem to have difficulties in restaurants more than anywhere else. If you and your son would consent to have lunch with me then you could give me some instruction, if your husband allows."

She suddenly looked a bit sad. "My husband died years ago. Politics is a horrible thing."

"I'm so sorry. I did not mean to bring up unpleasant memories especially with your son here."

"Jean does not remember his father. It was shortly after he was born. He is probably the reason I'm alive. I would not travel with my husband when Jean was so small so I was not with him when he was arrested, and I could not go to him when he was in prison for fear they would arrest me, and then who would Jean have. It was a terrible time. We live here now as quietly as we can and make no mention of politics."

"It must be very difficult for the two of you."

"We do well enough. I write books for children to read. Amazingly, my best markets are England and America. Perhaps you could give me some instruction in English. Sometimes my publishers are a bit dismayed at my choice of words."

"So you and your son will have lunch with me?"

"We would be happy to do so, but first I must know your name. I am Helga Adelie Abelle de Verennes."

"Helga?"

"My mother is German and a very stubborn woman. She married a French man and has lived in France all of her married life, but she would not give up everything. So, I am Helga."

Smiling at her directness and her story, Adam introduced himself. As Helga took her son's hand, they walked down the hill and into the small village that was near Calais. As they talked and found a restaurant, Helga asked Adam if he was interested in illustrating her books especially her latest one that was about a boy getting a pony for his birthday and then having to learn to care for it even when it was ill or the weather was unpleasant.

"So it is a book about love and responsibility. I think I could do that for you if your publishers accept it."

"My publishers are very accommodating. When one makes money for a company, they are always accommodating."

"Yes, I have found that to be true."

"You have books published then?"

"No, but I have a book about to be published, and they seem quite sure it will make money for them. They plan to serialize the last chapter to get people to buy the book although the last chapter is not representative of the whole."

"You find that to be a problem?"

"I wasn't thinking that way at first because I was so proud and happy to have them accept my book for publication, but now I have doubts that it was all ethical. There is nothing I can do about it though for I signed the contracts to let them proceed. I have to go back at some point to meet with them to finalize things, but now it seems it would be unethical to renege on my earlier agreement after they have put in such effort on my behalf."

"An ethical dilemma, no?"

"An ethical dilemma, yes. It appears that I am destined to be faced with dilemmas."

Very thoughtful for a time as she ate and made sure Jean was eating, Helga finally had her thoughts coalesce and looked at Adam across the table from her and Jean. "Did you love her?"

Caught off guard and quite surprised that she had correctly surmised that from the little that he had said, Adam had to be honest with her. "I could have been, but from the start, I knew that it was probably hopeless, and I didn't want to let myself be ensnared like that."

"So you have had other romances that ended poorly?"

"Have you been reading my journals? You know so much about me it seems in only a short time. I fear my innermost secrets will be yours before we finish dinner."

"But this is lunch. Surely your French is better than that."

"It is. I was hoping that I could interest you in dinner as well. Jean, of course, should come along. He is very quiet, isn't he?"

"He is always with me or with my parents. He doesn't know many other people so this is somewhat of a strain for him. He will be fine as he gets to know you. And I would enjoy having dinner with you, but Jean can stay with my parents. I think that dinner would keep him up too late. He likes to go to bed by eight."

"I don't know where you live. Shall I meet you at a restaurant?"

"I live in the second floor apartment of my parents' home. You can walk with us there and meet my parents. I'm afraid they will not think it proper for us to have a business dinner if they have not yet met you."

"A business dinner?"

"Yes, you have agreed to be my illustrator, have you not, and do we not have business with each other?"

Smiling, Adam nodded. She was going to be an interesting woman to know.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

As Adam and Helga had dinner and then spent a lot of time together over the next few months, she managed to get him to tell her of his time in England and some of his life in America. She said her life was so boring compared to his. As they worked in her apartment one day as she described sections of her book that she wanted drawings to illustrate certain scenes, Adam asked her about her past and her dreams.

"I once had a dream that I would travel the world and see America and China. Now, I live on the coast of France and see ships sailing away knowing I will never be on any of them."

"Why not? You're still a young woman."

"I am a young woman with a son. I cannot do anything to jeopardize his safety. I would not risk his life on the ocean or taking him to a strange land and face unknown dangers. Here I know I can keep him safe. I cannot fathom that your father took you as an infant to travel away from all that was safe and then took a small child on a harrowing trip into the wilderness."

"It was my life, and I didn't find it so harrowing until Inger was killed. But even then there was Hoss, and I cannot imagine life without Hoss in it." Then Adam had to tell her about his father's three wives and their tragic deaths as well as about his two brothers. "I try to be prepared, and I like to plan ahead, but sometimes, it seems things happen randomly that no one could ever predict."

"So what is your plan now?"

"This minute or over the next months and years?"

"Either or both."

"I want to see the cathedrals of Paris and the beaches of the south of France before I go to Italy where I would like to tour the cities. Then I suppose I might head home. That will be some time from now so I'm not certain if I will go directly home or if there will be other places I want to see first."

"China?"

"It would be interesting, but I probably won't go there. It never held the allure that Europe held."

"You must be very careful when you are in Paris. Our leader has been relaxing the rules, but there is still much turmoil, and there is always the threat now of another war with Prussia. You wouldn't want to be here then. You could be conscripted."

Laughing, Adam sat down beside her and began to spread his sketches and drawings out on the table. "At the first hint of trouble, I shall run away like a scared dog with my tail between my legs."

Helga shook her head. "I can never picture you doing that even if it was the smart thing to do. You would do what you thought was right no matter the consequences. That's life, is it not?"

Leaning toward her, Adam watched to see if she would pull away. She didn't and in fact seemed to lean toward him if only fractionally. He leaned down more and kissed her softly. "As to my plans this minute, that was it. I've wanted to kiss those lips from the moment I saw them."

"I have a confession. I wanted you to kiss them." Helga smiled as Adam wrapped his arms around her and kissed her more deeply and much longer. It might have led to more except they heard the thundering of two five-year-old feet on the stairs, and Jean rushed through the door and stopped still seeing his mother in Adam's arms. Helga was a bit nervous about how Jean would react seeing his mother kiss a man. He had never seen that before.

"Mama?"

"Yes, Jean."

"Grandmama wants to know if Adam is staying for dinner."

"Yes, he is, and he has brought a basket of food to share with us. It's by the door there."

"Oh, good, because she said if he was staying, she would have to go to the market. Now I can keep drawing, and she will fix dinner. Bye, Mama, and bye, Adam." Jean picked up the basket, turned, and then they heard him clomping down the steps.

"Well, that went better than expected." Adam's comment had Helga shaking her head and smiling.

"One never knows with Jean. He is very bright but so unpredictable. I never know what he will say, but this time, I'm pleased. He likes you and he doesn't mind sharing me with you."

"What do you think of my plans?"

"Well I liked that last plan very much, but you mustn't do that where anyone in town would see. As for the other plans, I worry about you traveling into Paris and into those Italian provinces. There is so much politics always that it is not safe, but one never knows who the enemy is until too late."

"You can't be safe all the time. There are unpredictable things that can happen. All we can do is try to be ready for them when they do happen. And why can't I kiss you where someone might see?"

"There is a man in town who wants to court me. I have rebuffed his every overture, but he continues to pester me."

"Wouldn't it help if he saw you with another man? Wouldn't that make him back off?"

"I'm not sure you know what this means. He would take it as an insult to his honor that someone stepped between him and me. If I say no, and there is no other man, then he will be all right with it, but if he suspects that you are actively romancing me, he could become quite jealous."

"If people see me come here, aren't they already telling him that I am seeing you?"

"Yes, but you see, you are the illustrator of my book, and you are a writer too. He would not feel threatened by a writer and an artist."

"Who is this man that he can control your life like this when you do not want his attentions?"

"He is the son of the mayor. As I told you, there is always politics. To reject him for a foreigner would be tantamount to the greatest insult for I would not only be rejecting him but all of France. Do you see?"

"What I see is that you stay here because you think it is safe, and you can keep your son safe, but you are not safe. You are a prisoner here. You are imprisoned by your fear and the man who engenders such fear in you."

"I am not afraid for myself. I am afraid for you."

"It's about the same thing as I see it. You cannot see anyone you want to see because you have to fear what this man will do. It's very sad. Does he approach you and make you feel uncomfortable when you are not with me or one of your parents?"

"He approaches me as you say, but I just tell him no as I always do. Then he smiles and says 'Someday' and then he goes on his way."

"If that's all it is, then why are you afraid that he will see us together and suspect something?"

"He is an excellent swordsman. Dueling is illegal but he would not stop because of that. His father is the mayor. No one would do anything if he killed someone in a duel."

"What if someone killed him?"

"It is very unlikely, but I think his father would be upset enough to charge that man with murder for he would not believe that his son could die in a duel. He is a champion."

"I fenced when I was in college so I am not inexperienced except none of my opponents was ever trying to kill me."

"Do not joke about it. Please just say that you will be careful and not do anything to antagonize Philippe. He gets angry very easily."

"If it makes you feel better, I will. Now how about a smile before we go down to dinner. We don't want to upset Jean or your parents." Adam had promised, but he also knew how life could take unexpected turns. When he was in Paris for a few months, he bought a rapier for practice, and in his room at night, he spent an hour running through all the moves he remembered from his training. He also began to walk miles every day at as fast a pace as he could maintain. By the time he returned to Calais, he felt more confident in his ability to survive a duel if he was ever challenged. Someone as jealous as Helga had described Philippe would not likely suffer his presence for very long before he became very suspicious. As it turned out, it was Jean who lit the fuse to the powder keg that was Philippe. Only a few weeks after Adam's return, he got a letter from his publishers that he needed to meet with them in London to finalize all paperwork for his book to be published and the last chapter serialization would run for a week just after publication. Helga and Jean walked Adam to the docks so that he could board a boat for the short trip.

"I'll be back within a week or two, I think. I've left most of my things here because I do not expect that it will take long to accomplish what I need to do. I have the draft of your book too. Both the manuscript and the drawings are safely bound up in one package, and I will deliver them as I promised. Hopefully they will have some word for you before I leave."

"I pray that you have a safe trip and that all is satisfactory to you. I know that the serialization of that last chapter bothers you so perhaps you can get a note in the paper to indicate that the last chapter is different in tone from the rest of the book."

"You are very clever. I think I may ask them to do that. Then it is buyer beware if they do not pay attention to that. And Jean, I want you to take good care of your mother while I am gone. Perhaps you could do some drawings for her? When I get back, I could work on them, and then we could both sign our names to them?"

"Yes, Adam, I will. But you come back soon because Mama is a little bit sad when you're not here. She must miss your hugs and kisses. I know I would miss Mama's hugs and kisses if she was gone."

Standing a short distance away hoping once again to speak with Helga about seeing her, Philippe correctly surmised that Adam was not just a writer and illustrator for Helga. Philippe began to picture Adam with Helga in his arms, and then he pictured Helga in Adam's bed. That had never happened, but Philippe believed it had. After Adam's boat pulled away, Philippe left without speaking to Helga. He would deal with her after he dealt with Adam Cartwright. He went to talk with his friends about his plans. He had heard Adam say he would be back in a week or two. Philippe planned to be ready for him.

On the Ponderosa, Adam's first letter from Calais had arrived. Hoss waited anxiously for his father to finish talking business with two men who had come to buy some horses and ask for more. When the two men left, Hoss was immediately at Ben's side.

"Pa, I got another letter from Adam. It's addressed to you as always, but it's in this big envelope and it seems kinda thick. I'm wondering what's in it."

After opening the envelope, Ben pulled three small drawings from it as well as a letter. He read through it quickly before picking up one of the drawings. "Hoss, this one is for you. It is a drawing of a legendary sea monster that is said to inhabit Loch Ness. He said he didn't see it, but that Lady Constance did visit the lake. The lake monster is named Nessie, and people swear that she exists."

"Well, that's darn interesting. I'm gonna be waiting for Christmas at the orphanage this year so I can tell this tale to the orphans, and I even got a picture of it to show em. What did you get, Pa?"

"I have a drawing of the ships in the harbor at Calais. That's where Adam is now. He said he's met some wonderful people, and that he is working with one on a book she is writing. He's doing the illustrations."

"Another gal? Well, he shur didn't waste no time, did he?"

"Hoss, it could simply be a business arrangement."

"Yeah, like that Lady Constance was just the daughter of the man who owned the castle. What did he send for Joe?"

"It's a drawing of a steeplechase in Suffolk that he attended with Lady Constance. He said it's a very rough and tumble kind of racing that he never expected to see in a country like England. Apparently he followed Lady Constance's advice on wagers and made some money betting for horses to place."

"He's sure having a big adventure, ain't he, Pa?"

"Yes, he is. He says that he plans to visit Paris next, but then will return to Calais. Perhaps you are correct in his interest in this lady author. I wonder what kind of book it is."

"It's probably some big ole fancy book. You know what kinda books he likes. Now I think I'll go out to the woodshed and see what kind of wood we got that I can make some frames for these drawings. Joe's gonna be tickled pink to see the drawing Adam made for him. Those horses look so alive in that drawing."

"Where is your brother? He hasn't been home much lately."

"Don't worry, Pa, he's not drinking or gambling."

"What is he doing?"

"Well, he don't want to get your hopes up too much, but he's been seeing a gal a lot. He's thinking on asking to court her."

Surprised but happy, Ben smiled. "Is there a reason I haven't met the young woman yet?"

"Not that I know of, Pa, but don't tell Joe I said anything. He thinks he's got a big secret."

"I still don't understand why it's such a big secret."

"Pa, she ain't supposed to be seeing any men."

Frowning, Ben stared at Hoss who gulped because he wasn't about to say anything more. Suddenly it made sense to Ben. Joe had been reading a lot of Adam's books recently, and had taken to wearing a tie when he went to town. "He's seeing the schoolteacher?"

"Yeah, Pa, ain't that a hoot. Who'd ever expected Joe to be interested in a schoolteacher, 'specially one who likes all them big ole fancy books and all. Joe's smitten, though, Pa, really smitten."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Adam, Adam Cartwright!"

Hearing his name called, Adam turned as he walked from his publisher's offices to see Connie hailing him from a hackney in traffic. She waved for him to join her in the conveyance. Once he had joined her in the vehicle, she told the driver to go to the nearest park. Once they were there, she told the driver to stop and wait for them. Adam helped her down and then offered his elbow for a walk.

"What makes me think that this was not a coincidence? My publisher inexplicably needed me to stay for an extra two days, and then today said that it had all been a mistake and handed me my first copy of my book. I walk outside and there you are waiting for me."

"I did ask him to hold you here when I heard you were in town. My cousin who tattled on us for Pontrefact saw you. I knew it had to be to see your publisher so I contacted them, and they said you were here about your book. I had to talk with you so I asked them to keep you here until today. I hope that hasn't made you angry with me."

"I don't like being manipulated. If you wanted to talk with me, why didn't you contact me directly?"

Stopping on the edge of a small pond in which ducks were swimming, Connie decided it was time to explain everything that she could. She knew how much Adam valued honesty in a relationship. "I'm sorry, but my father wouldn't have allowed that. I had to find a way to get here without him suspecting why. Mother helped. Adam, my father gave his grand party. Lord and Lady Dunsford were back in country by then and attended. He mentioned to them what he said was your preposterous story that you and they were friends, except they agreed that you were a great friend, and they were sorry they had missed you. Then they told everyone about the Ponderosa, and that my father had one of the wealthiest men in Nevada working for him for almost a year. Many people congratulated him on that. Somehow he feels that he was tricked though, and he's angry about it. He thinks you made a fool of him."

"Why did you think that you should tell me that, and how could I have made a fool of him. At no time, did I keep any of my background secret. It was his choice not to believe me."

"Father is too proud, but he is also very protective of me. He thinks that because of my age, you could take advantage of me. I told him that if you wanted to do that, you had had plenty of opportunities but that you had always been a gentleman. Now, if you did want to see me, Father would not likely object or at least not very much, but you would have to come calling. Your name is well known now, and it's not unusual for daughters to spend time with commoners if they are wealthy or famous commoners. Even so, he would not consider it proper for me to have come to you as I did."

"But the very concept of commoners and nobility is distasteful to me. People should be judged on who they are and not on who their ancestors were."

"That may be true, but it is not how things are. Do you want to see me again?"

Adam paused to consider that. "Yes, I do, but I could not tell you that it would be any more than it was when I left. I'm not ready to make any kind of commitment."

"So you still plan to travel through France and then to Italy?"

"Yes, and I have work to do yet. I'm writing a book about my travels now, and explaining how an American from the west sees these countries."

"Am I in your new book?"

"Yes and no because my experiences with you in England are a big part of what I wrote, but you are not named nor are you the subject of my observations. It is meant to be more light-hearted look at how Americans differ in their behavior and attitudes from people in England and France."

"Not Italy?"

"I plan to finish writing the book before I visit Italy. I don't speak Italian so it would be far more difficult to understand the differences. In Italy, I want to tour the cities and see the art and architecture of the Renaissance as well as the Roman ruins. Then my plan is to go back home."

"You wouldn't consider living in here again. I've heard some talk that it would be a good idea for you to teach some classes in the architecture and engineering of castles in regard especially to renovations that conserve."

Suddenly intrigued by that possibility, Adam had to ask. "Who's been talking?"

"My brother and some of his friends. He went to university before he went into the Army. He thinks that you could teach at a college here."

"That could get me to live her for a while. That would be another dream come true. Which school?"

"It would be at the University of London where my brother did coursework. It is very different than Cambridge and Oxford. At the University of London, they believe that education should be useful and one area of study is engineering. You would be teaching those students. The arrangements have all been made. All you would need to do would be to tell them when you would be available."

As Adam smiled and nodded, Connie was very happy to have been able to deliver news that pleased him. She took his hand and asked him to walk more with her. They completed a circuit of the pond and began the walk back to the carriage. Adam was thinking over all that she had said.

"Did you have anything to do with your brother arranging for me to get a teaching position here if I decided I wanted it?"

"Yes, and my brother would likely be one of your students. He thinks that he can start a business if he had more expertise in renovation of historical buildings. He would like to put water closets into our home. That would be enormously popular with people who live in these old castles. It could be a very profitable business even if that was all he did, but he liked your idea about the transom windows and the stoves too." She pulled some papers from a small purse she was carrying.

Unfolding the papers, Adam saw that it was a contract that had blank lines for dates to be filled in later, and there was a list of all contact information he would need if he decided to pursue this option. "Perhaps I should meet this brother of yours sometime."

"If you could stay, you could meet him now. He's moved back home now that his military service is completed."

"Connie, I can't. I made some commitments while I was living in Calais, and I still do want to finish my tour of the architectural wonders of France and Italy. When I'm done with that, I could come back here."

Clearly disappointed at that news, Connie still smiled because Adam was talking about coming back to England so she thought that she still had a chance with him. They returned to the carriage and got Adam back to his room. He kissed her on the cheek when he said goodbye. She didn't know if it was because it was in public or if his feelings had changed. She would have to wait to find that out. She did wonder if there was another woman but knew that Adam would not have told her if there was. If anything, he was discreet. She would know that too when Adam wanted her to know.

In his room, Adam sat down by the window and stared out but saw nothing as his mind swirled with possibilities. He did want to teach at a university, but he also wanted to see more of France and get to Italy. He wondered how he would manage everything. When he got back to Calais, he planned to sit down and work out an itinerary and an estimate of the time required for travel. He wanted to finish his second book too so he would have to build in time to do that. Then he would have a time frame for teaching and could contact the University to see if that was acceptable to them.

The next day, Adam headed back to Calais with good news. He hoped that Helga might consider traveling with him. He thought that Jean would like to see more of France as well. When he arrived in Calais, he went to his room first to drop off his valise, and then he headed to Helga's apartment. When he arrived, she seemed cool toward him even when he handed her the new contract from the publishers and their acceptance of her book that Adam had illustrated. He knew the money she had received would support her for the next few years so he wondered at her reaction. When she thanked him as if to dismiss him, he had to ask.

"What's wrong? I left a few weeks ago, and we were getting along so well. Now you act as if I haven't been your friend at all."

Walking to a window, Helga stared out and asked Adam a question in response to his. "Adam, in twenty years, where do you see yourself?"

Wondering where this conversation was going, Adam went along with it out of a need to know. "I see myself on the Ponderosa relaxing with my family."

Helga turned to look at him as he leaned against her table. "In twenty years, I see myself here, relaxing on the porch downstairs, and watching my grandchildren playing in the yard." Letting that sink in, Helga wasn't finished. "I had a lot of time to think while you were gone. It was so comfortable working with you that I let my heart open to you, and I should not have. For no good reason, I have endangered you and myself, and worst of all, my son."

Hearing her words but also watching her and seeing how stiff she was, Adam didn't take long to reach a logical conclusion. "Philippe has been talking with you. He's frightened you. Has he made any threats against you or Jean?"

"Please, Adam, you are done with your work here, and you said you still wanted to see the south of France and travel through Italy. You should do that and not change your plans because of me. There are many things you still want to do, and all I want is to live here peacefully and keep my son safe."

"You didn't answer my question."

"He has not threatened us, but I know he is already angry and jealous. I don't want any violence to occur because of me. I don't want anything to happen that causes trouble."

"Helga, you can't live your life in fear. Yes, sometimes bad things happen, but no one can control everything."

"But I will control what I can. The rest is in God's hands. Please go. Jean will be back soon, and I do not want him to see you any more."

"Helga, someday you may regret giving up on life. Jean may not want to live in this cocoon forever." Adam turned to leave. He had not fallen in love with Helga, but he could have. There was so much about her that he liked and admired, but it had always been her reticence to give her heart that had made him guard his. He knew that he did love Jean and wished to have a son like him. He walked slowly back to his room not noticing anything in the streets which was a huge mistake and a measure of how hurt he was. He felt more than saw the trap that had ensnared him before he got back to his room. Philippe was there and very angry.

"I told Helga that she was not to see you again, and the first day you are back, you are in her apartment. Do you know how that appears? Do you have any idea how you make people talk about her? You are no gentleman, but I give you the option of acting like one. I challenge you to a duel."

"And if I say no?"

"Then my friends here will beat you and drop you into the harbor with all the other garbage floating there."

"Not much of a choice then, is there? Where will we duel and with what?"

"You may choose, pistols or rapiers, but I must warn you that I am expert with both."

Considering his choices and believing that pistols could be more dangerous because a second man could shoot him quite easily, and Adam had heard of this happening on occasion, he chose the rapier. He could only hope that if he lost, the wound would not be fatal. He would not kill Philippe if he could help it, but in a battle such as they were planning, it was impossible to control the variables. "Rapiers. When and where?"

"Tonight, on the hill above the graveyard."

Remembering what Helga had said that Philippe's father would never believe that he could be defeated in a duel especially by an American, Adam had some caveats. "No, that is not acceptable. I have no second, and I want the duel to be witnessed by many so there can be no dispute afterwards as to how the outcome was reached."

"Very well, if you wish your humiliation and death to be so public, it will be so. I will meet you in an hour by the pond in the park. Go write your last will and testament and make peace with God if you may."

As Adam moved to walk away, the group of men parted to let him pass, but he could see their smirks. He could only hope that they were not smirking like that in little over an hour from then. In his room, he carefully selected his clothing. He made sure that the pants he wore were loose enough so that he could move freely. He wore a shirt with long sleeves and buttoned his leather vest over it. He hadn't worn the vest since leaving America and was pleased that it fit quite well. All of the work he had been doing as well as the walks and practice with the rapier had kept him fit and trim. He had taken the measure of Philippe when he had been talking with him. His red cheeks and paunch had betrayed him. He probably had spent too much time drinking and staying up late. He might be quite skilled with a rapier, but if Adam could prolong the duel, then he fully expected Philippe to make mistakes as he became tired. A duel outside like this suited Adam's purposes quite well. He had to survive the early minutes of the duel, and wear down his opponent's defenses by taxing his stamina. Before he left his room, he penned a quick letter to his family that he hoped would not have to be delivered.

The duel was well attended. Many had heard what was to happen, and most were there hoping against hope that the American would rid them of Philippe. He had killed others and terrorized many more. His father had protected him for a decade, but this American did not seem to fear him so there was a buzzing in the crowd as he walked toward them. Philippe had half expected him to pack up and leave town, and had men watching to see if he would do that. He was surprised to see Adam walking toward him with rapier in hand because he had brought one for the American to use never expecting him to own one. As Adam got closer, Philippe could see that the rapier appeared to be a very fine one with excellent workmanship and that Adam carried the weapon, as one would be expected to carry it. He had not expected that either, and his confidence dipped a little. He still fully expected to win and to kill Adam, but knew now that it would be more difficult than he had first anticipated. He was also a bit unnerved because Adam did not seem at all afraid. He walked toward Philippe with a deliberate pace and a stony face. He remembered then of what his fencing instructor had warned him.

"Fear the man who appears to have no emotion, for he is concentrating on one thing alone. The loud and boisterous ones are as afraid as the simpering fool, but the one who walks toward you with ice in his veins, he is the one to fear. He could put you in your grave."

For the first time in his dueling career, Philippe felt the first niggling of doubt which he quickly squelched and replaced with bravado. He was a champion, and his opponent had come from the American wilderness so surely there was nothing to fear, but in his heart, doubt remained even when the duel began and he was able to easily drive his opponent backwards again and again with his lunges. After several minutes of that though, Philippe had yet to strike a blow or draw first blood. He began to attack more ferociously using every skill that he possessed. He managed to bloody his opponent's arm, but still he kept his rapier moving so rapidly that Philippe was hard-pressed to counter ever move and parry every lunge and still maintain his own attack. His father had come to see his son defeat this American, and gasped when he saw Philippe's blade dip down several times. The American was not skilled enough to take advantage before Philippe raised his guard again, but the weakness had shown that his son was weakening. If anything, Philippe realized his opponent was increasing the speed of his moves and Philippe had to go on the defensive to parry each lunge until suddenly he found himself backing up to avoid one after another. Unable to do even a very basic riposte, he was becoming tired from the constant assault. In a desperate move after several minutes of that, he lunged when it appeared that Adam had left himself open, but as Philippe drove forward in what he hoped would be a killing strike, Adam smoothly stepped to the side and brought his left arm down on Philippe's wrist numbing his hand and forcing him to drop his rapier. He fell and turned only to find a sharp point pressing into his chest above his heart.

"I believe that you need to concede defeat."

"Arrêt!" Philippe's father stepped forward. "Mr. Cartwright, you have won. Now step back." After Philippe stood, his father addressed Adam. "You are no longer welcome in my city. Dueling is illegal, and I could have you charged, but I will allow you to leave here. You have one day, and then you must be gone."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

After making arrangements to leave Calais early the next morning, Adam went to see Helga. He thought she had probably heard what had happened, but he wanted to talk with her and try to get her to travel with him at least for a little while. He also was very observant and watched for anyone following him or waiting for him. He had humiliated a bully, and there was probably no greater threat than a coward who had been masquerading as a tough guy only to be betrayed by his own weakness. Once he recovered from the humiliation, anger would likely take over for a time, and Adam knew he would be in jeopardy when that happened. He had already moved from the room that he had to one in another property owned by the same proprietor. The man had come to his room to suggest it and did mention too that many had hoped he would have killed Philippe. He had told Adam that if he had a pistol, he should carry it. Adam thought that a large pistol in a holster would be asking for trouble, so instead, he wore a small caliber pistol in a holster under his coat and kept a small pocket pistol in his coat pocket. He doubted there would be another duel so he was mainly concerned with defending himself in an attack. In town, that would likely be from close range so he felt adequately protected or as well as he could be under the circumstances. Helga met him as he walked to her parents' home. She had seen him coming.

"Perhaps Philippe will not trouble you again."

"You do not know him. He is more dangerous now than he was before."

"What do you think he will do?"

"He will try to kill you by any means he can. You should leave now. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"You do care then."

"Of course, I care. Please, will you leave?"

"Will you and Jean come with me? We could travel to the south of France and stay there. You could write there, and I could make your illustrations."

"Adam, I can't. I'm afraid."

"Helga, your fear is keeping you from living. Please come with me and have a vacation from fear. Let Jean see some of his country and enjoy being in new places. It doesn't have to be any more than being friends and traveling together."

"I can't. Please go now. Please." Helga turned then and walked rapidly away. Adam knew that she was torn, but he had very little time left to convince her to change her mind. He turned to walk back to his room where he intended to spend the night now until he left the next morning. He saw movement in the shadows and paused in his walk. A door opened behind him almost causing him to draw his pistol.

"Quick, in here. There are three of them at least. We saw them follow you and wait for you to come out of Helga's apartment." The owner of the bakery was no fan of Philippe, and he had been very happy to learn that Adam had defeated him. However like many others in town, he knew that Adam's life was in danger because of it.

"Thank you, but what now. I don't want you to be hurt because of me."

"Follow me." The baker led him into a back room where there was door into the restaurant next door. He went through that and the owner of the restaurant was there to lead him to the stairs. They said nothing so that no one in the restaurant turned around to look. It was then that Adam realized Philippe was at the window of the restaurant looking out into the street. Everyone in the restaurant made all sorts of normal chatter and noise to cover his move up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, he was directed into a back room. "It is small, and it is not very comfortable, but much better than a casket, isn't it?" After Adam stepped into the room, the owner pulled the door closed. Adam saw by the moonlight that came in the window, there was a bed, a chair, a table, and nothing else. A short time later, the owner returned with a plate of bread and cheese and a glass of wine.

"They've gone out searching for you. We will try to get your belongings to you, but I'm afraid that we will not be able to get all of it without it being too obvious."

"I thank you for all that you are doing. If I get my valise, it is all I need. I packed my clothing and my papers in there. The rapier is for anyone who wants it. Considering that it was used to defeat Philippe, perhaps any number will want it. But what will happen in the morning? I have made arrangements to leave."

"Even Philippe will not attempt a murder in daylight. His father would not tolerate that though he has protected him from prosecution for the duels he has fought. He will not protect him if he believes he had committed a murder. No, we believe you will be able to leave safely if you can get through the night."

"Is Helga safe?"

"Yes, Philippe is a jealous and dangerous man but has never hurt a woman. She is safe as long as she is not with you. Now we will keep watch. Eat, rest, and tomorrow, you may leave."

The night passed fairly quickly. Adam realized that he was tired after all of his exertions with the duel and then with the emotional meeting with Helga. He ate, drank the wine, and lay on the bed to get some rest. The next thing he heard was the clatter in the restaurant down below as the workers began setting up for breakfast. Dawn was breaking and he had two hours before he was scheduled to leave. He had chosen to go by ship so that he could see Gibraltar before he went to the southern coast of France. Unfortunately, when the men who got his things saw the letter on the table addressed to his family, they sent it thinking they were doing him a favor not knowing that it was his letter to his family in case he had not survived the duel. They brought him his valise and the restaurant owner treated him to breakfast in exchange for the rapier that he planned to hang on the wall of his restaurant for all to see.

As Adam bid his new friends goodbye and headed to the docks to board the ship that would take him on his journey, he heard a familiar voice challenge him.

"So you are a coward and run away now?"

Slowly Adam turned to find Philippe and two of his friends. One carried a box, and from the shape and design, Adam guessed it contained dueling pistols. He raised his hands to show they were empty of any weapon. "I'm leaving as your father ordered. Our business was concluded yesterday."

"Our business as you call it will be concluded when I say it is concluded. You misrepresented yourself. I told you I had experience with the sword. You did not tell men that you did."

"I never heard that was a rule of a challenge. You challenged me, and we agreed upon a place and weapons. I did what was required of me. You lost. It's over."

"No. I say it is not over. I challenge you to a duel at this time and in this place. I have the weapons or are you afraid of using pistols?"

"Philippe, I am an expert with a pistol. You said I should declare myself, and I have."

"I have killed a man with a pistol. Have you?"

"No." Philippe smirked. "I have killed a number of men and wounded others." Philippe's confidence wavered for only a moment on hearing that.

"You are a braggart. I know that you are an artist and a writer. I know that you worked on a castle before coming here. Such a man is not a duelist."

"I've given you fair warning. Stand aside and allow me to go to the ship. I have booked passage, and I will soon be late."

"No, Eduard will give you first choice of a pistol. We will settle this here and now. Jacques will be the judge."

Removing his coat, Adam let them see the pistol he carried. It shook their confidence a little for it appeared that Adam did indeed have experience with pistols. Eduard walked to Adam and opened the box. Adam removed both pistols checking them for balance and chose one. He loaded it and waited. Eduard walked to Philippe then, and Adam could hear him trying to convince his friend not to do the duel. Philippe laughed but it was a nervous laugh. He picked up the second pistol and loaded it. The two men stood about twenty feet apart. Adam pointed his pistol into the air and waited for Philippe to do the same. By then a large crowd had gathered to watch. Jacques began counting down from five but Adam watched Philippe more than he listened. As Jacques said two, Philippe lowered his pistol to fire and Adam moved quickly to the side. The shot went by him, and he aimed his pistol at Philippe's chest. Shocked that his trickery had not worked, Philippe looked at Adam's cold fury and suddenly knew he was going to die. He turned and ran. The crowd broke out in jeers and laughter that only escalated when Adam fired into the air causing Philippe to drop to his knees in terror. He stood then and everyone could see that he had wet himself. More importantly for the future of the city, Jacques and Eduard laughed as hard as anyone. Gone were the days when Philippe could bully them into doing things. Eduard picked up the pistol that Philippe had dropped and walked to Adam. He placed the pistol in the case and offered it to him.

"These are, by all rights, yours now. Take them, and if you do not wish to keep them, give them away."

Accepting them, Adam nodded, put on his coat, and picked up his valise before walking through the crowd to the ship at the dock. The sailors on board had seen what had happened and many were smiling. Men appreciated seeing brave men in action. Philippe was not well liked, and Adam would have been pleased to know that the mayor sent him to live with relatives in the countryside where he could not get into any more trouble. It may have been his only son, but he had become an embarrassment. As Adam sailed from Calais, a ship, carrying a letter to him from his family, docked in the port. No one there knew Adam's destination so the letter sat there for years before crumbling into dust at the back of a post where lost mail was held until a recipient could be located.

Disembarking at Gibraltar, Adam enjoyed a few months in that locale before relocating to the south of France and lived on the coast there for a few more months. He spent his time drawing, writing, and learning about the people and their culture. Finally he decided it was time for his trip to Italy, and booked passage to that country. He began studying Italian and found it not too different from the French in which he had become fluent. Before he left France, he wrote another letter to his family, and wrote another to the University of London telling them that he would be available to teach in six months, and that he would be willing to sign up to teach one term. He gave them an address in Rome that was the property of some people he had met in the south of France. They had relatives who lived there, and said he would be able to rent a room from them when he got there.

On the Ponderosa, there was confusion and sadness. A parcel from Adam with a copy of his book and a short letter had arrived. Soon after that, another letter arrived. In the first, he explained that his first book was being published and that he had gotten a copy, which he had sent to them. He said too that he would send a copy of the book he had illustrated when it became available. He mentioned also that he might teach at a university for a brief time before he came home. Ben had been ecstatic to have Adam say that. In the years he had been gone, there had not yet been a mention of when he might return, but now it seemed that there was a definite plan. Adam said he would go to the south of France next and then Italy before returning to England to spend some months teaching. It might be a few years, but Ben knew that he was coming home eventually. He, Hoss, and Joe celebrated that as well as Joe's engagement to the schoolteacher, Patricia, who had become a frequent visitor to the Ponderosa. The two of them planned to marry as soon as she completed the two-year contract she had signed. It was clear that Adam wouldn't be home in time for the wedding, and that made Joe a bit sad, but he would be home at some point so there was still a feeling of happiness. Then the second letter arrived. It was very short, and said that they would only be receiving it if a duel that Adam was to be in went badly. He said how much he loved his family and thought of them every day. He said his prayers were always for their safety and good health. It had obviously been written in a hurry and his name was scrawled across the bottom, but all three knew that it was Adam's handwriting. There was no joy on the Ponderosa for quite some time after that note arrived. Both Hoss and Joe worried about their father. He had lost three wives, and each one had taken some of his strength away, but the loss of a son was so much harder. Hoss did his best to be strong for his father, but nothing he said ever seemed to help. Ben always had only one answer when Hoss tried to console him.

"A father should not outlive his sons. It is too painful."

There wasn't much more that either Hoss or Joe could say to that. They both felt a similar pain in that they believed their brother had died. For some time, they said nothing in Virginia City about the news they had received. They chose to mourn privately. It was about the time they thought that perhaps they should share that news that a letter and parcel arrived from Adam detailing his stay in Gibraltar and explaining that he was then in the south of France. There was no mention of the duel creating even more confusion, but at least it alleviated the sadness for it was clear that Adam was still alive. The package was a case containing a matched set of dueling pistols. They were finely engraved and had silver and gold decorating the grip. However Adam said nothing about Joe's impending wedding and the pistols were sent to Ben so it was clear he had not received their letters. It was becoming very frustrating to the family to be separated this way and unable to communicate.

The lack of communication was troublesome to Adam as well because he wondered what was happening at home. Because of the delivery of the note that was never meant to be delivered, his family did not write for a time thinking that he was dead. By the time his letter arrived, and they understood that he was not, their letters failed to reach him before he sailed for Italy. There he moved about so often that no letter would have been able to reach him unless sent to the Rome address he had given his publisher. Too late, he realized he had not sent that address to his family, and did send it, but it would be difficult for their letters to reach him before he left Rome.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Being lonely was a feeling that was not usual for Adam. He knew how to be alone without being lonely, but as he stood in his rented room looking out at Rome, he knew he was lonely. He tried to understand why he felt that way and began to believe it was not seeing any member of his family for a few years. He had made a commitment to the University of London to teach for one term. He knew too that if he did not see the wonders of Italy while he was there, he would regret it for the rest of his life. There were things that he had seen that many people in the world had never seen so he was a very lucky man. He realized though that some of his fondest memories were things that had happened naturally. The trip from Gibraltar to southern France had been his best yet as he saw Mediterranean striped dolphins several times and saw a pod of Mediterranean sperm whales as well. Unlike many travelers, he had no desire to see mountains, but he had made side trips to the mountains to see castles. Set in that natural wonder, castles seemed even more magical. He had some desire to travel to Africa now that he was so close, but he knew he couldn't. A desire to see his family was growing within him, and he knew he would have to follow it home.

Nearly finished with his second book, Adam began sketching buildings in Rome from the classical age as well as Renaissance sculptures he found in many cathedrals that he also sketched. His drawings were beginning to dominate his book as he found less to say about the people, and more to say about their cultures and his reactions to the things he saw. When he was thinking it was time to leave Rome to visit Naples and Venice, he made the acquaintance of Katarina Virginia Achilli in her father's restaurant. Of all the restaurants in Rome, Adam favored the pasta at the Achilli restaurant more than any other. As they saw more and more of him, the owner, Giacomo Achilli, and his daughter, Katarina, began to talk with him more and more. Giacomo could tell that Adam was lonely and urged his daughter to engage him in conversation to find out more about him.

"Your Italian is very bad. Do you know that?"

Laughing, Adam was quite taken with Katarina's honesty. "Yes, I only learned enough to manage not to get swindled. I studied Italian while I was vacationing in Côte d'Azur. It is very beautiful there and the waters are as expected with a name like that."

"So you are vacationing? I have seen you drawing sometimes. Are you an artist?"

"I would love to be, but I am only an illustrator. I illustrated a book for another writer and now hope to include my illustrations in my own book about my travels."

"I would love to see your illustrations. Do you have some in that satchel then?"

Smiling, Adam pulled a number of his drawings from his satchel. Katarina was most impressed with the drawings of the harbor at Calais until she saw Adam's most recent works of the distinctive Mediterranean architecture that he had seen in the south of France. One view was especially striking.

"Where did you draw this?"

"I was climbing around on the rocky hillsides and came across this natural arch. It showed the town down below, as well as the coastline, and some boats in the harbor. I drew the dolphins in the way I saw them when I was traveling there."

"It is beautiful. You should draw more like this."

"Thank you. I think I will."

"Are you planning to see Napoli? We have another restaurant there. My brother runs it. I could go with you and show you some beautiful scenery there too for you to draw."

"Only if I could draw you in the scene. My pictures are mostly too sterile. I realize as I have seen the artwork here that I need to inject more life into my drawings."

"Is that why you drew the dolphins into that drawing?"

"Yes, it seemed to give it life and a focal point."

"Hmm, yes, I see that now. Do you draw pictures of your home as well?"

"I didn't, but when I go home, I think I will."

"Where is your home?"

"I'm an American. I lived in Nevada most of my life. I'll be going back there as soon as I finish my journey."

"Papa wants to take our family to America. He says it will be a better place for us to live. Here, politics has a way of intruding. He wants a safer place."

"I'm not sure America is a safer place, but there are safe places there, I suppose. Nevada isn't one of them."

"Are you a cowboy then?"

"Yes, I guess I am, but I hope I am much more than that too. I have a lot of ideas of things that I can do when I go back."

"Do you have a family there?"

"Yes, I have a father and two brothers." Then in a rare display of his soul, Adam made a major admission. "I miss them."

"Adam, I would miss my family too if I left them behind in another country. If we go to America, we will all go together. Do you have a wife and children in America?" Adam shook his head. "What would my name be if I lived in America?"

"There would be no need to change it, but if you did, it would be Kathy or Katherine. Your father would be James or Jacob if he decided to Americanize his name."

With Giacomo's approval, Adam traveled to Naples with Kathy as he had taken to calling her with her encouragement. His father smiled at that for he wanted very much to go to America so his daughter having an American name pleased him. In Naples, Adam was surprised to see how close the city was to Mount Vesuvius.

"Why do people live so close to that volcano? If it erupts, they could all die."

"Yes, but many families have been here for a thousand years or more. The soil is exceptionally good and produces some of the best grapes and olives in all of Italy." Over the next month, Adam learned from the people there that Kathy's ideas were exactly correct.

They would have gone up to the observation point nearly two thousand feet up the side of Vesuvius except Kathy's brother said that vegetation was dying on the upper slopes. When Adam asked why that was a problem, her brother said that sometimes gases came out from the volcano and killed trees and grasses. When that happened, it was not safe to travel to the top of the mountain. To Adam, then, the next best point of observation for Naples was from the sea. He could draw the city with the volcano in the background. For a week, Adam rented a small boat and rowed out several hundred yards each day to sketch the city. As he sketched, Kathy asked a lot of questions about America and about Nevada. She would lounge in the stern of the small boat as Adam sat in the bow staring ahead at the city and the volcanic peaks above the city. As the day got hot with the sun rising to its zenith, Adam would row back to the city and have lunch with Kathy. He and Kathy spent a number of afternoons hiking through pastures and orchards, taking rides on the roads, and touring the various parts of the city, which could be linked to historical periods by the style of buildings in each. On the hottest days, they would lounge in the shade and enjoy the soft breezes from the bay. By the time Adam decided to move on, Kathy was quite enamored of him. He had to be honest with her though.

"I'm not ready to give my heart to anyone. I don't understand why, but I have had several opportunities and it isn't in me to do that. I do want a wife and family, but perhaps I need to go home first. I don't know. You are an attractive and very likable woman. I wish I did love you. It would make life so much more complete. You have been a great friend, and I have certainly enjoyed your company, but Kathy, I never kissed you. I didn't want you to fall in love with me."

"Perhaps you did not want that, but it happened. You don't have to love me. If you like me, that could be enough to marry. You might learn to love me. Many people marry someone they like. Love is a desirable thing but it can develop over time with someone you like. You did enjoy your time with me, so why would you say no to us being together?"

"Kathy, you are very young yet. You will find a man who will give you his heart. You deserve that."

"But I do love you already. How can I love another when I love you, and only you are in my heart?"

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you at all. I'm going to Venice next. It will take some time to get there, and then I want to spend at least a month there. Before I leave, I'll come back to Rome. I'll talk to you then, and see how you feel. It will give both of us time to evaluate how we feel, and to decide what is the best thing to do."

"All right, if that is all you will give me. Do you promise that you will come to see me?"

"Yes, I promise. I won't leave Italy without at least saying goodbye."

"Perhaps it will not be goodbye. Perhaps you will miss me and want me by your side. You are lonely. I could ease that for you."

"Kathy, sweet one, you don't know how that tempts me, but I cannot let myself take advantage of you like that. I must commit to you with all my heart and soul, or I have to say goodbye. It's the only way I could live with myself."

"Could you hug me and kiss me just this once? It is all I ask, so that is not too much, is it? Give me that one memory to hold forever if I get nothing more from you."

Adam pulled her to him and kissed her with passion. He did desire her, and she knew it. She kissed him with as much feeling as he kissed her. After a minute, he pulled away. He would not take advantage of her to satisfy his physical needs when he most likely had nothing more to offer to her.

"You don't have to stop."

"Kathy, I do have to stop. I will not let you think there is more here than there is. I will keep my promise though. I will stop in Rome to see you before I leave Italy."

The next morning, Adam escorted Kathy back to Rome. He left her at the restaurant after thanking Giacomo for allowing his daughter to be his tour guide in Naples. He explained that he was going to visit Venice before leaving Italy and that he would be back in Rome in less than two months because in four months he needed to be in London to begin teaching as promised to the University of London. They had contacted him and asked him to teach one class on the engineering difficulties of renovating castles and another course on making mines safe using the honeycomb method of shoring. Adam was looking forward to those four months of teaching not only because it was a dream come true, but also because that meant that in eight months, he would be heading home. In a year or less, he planned to be back on the Ponderosa. He wrote a letter to his family before leaving Rome for Venice.

Arriving in Venice after an arduous trek across the peninsula, Adam decided that his return trip to Rome would be by boat. He would also get to see more of the Italian coastline that way so there would be an additional benefit. He found Venice to be somewhat of a disappointment but was also surprised to meet people there whom he knew. It was only a few days after his arrival when he was hailed by name in that Kentucky drawl. He smiled for he recognized the voice immediately as well as the style of conversation.

"Well, so here's the cowboy without a horse. Are you lost?"

"Good to see you, Corinne, and surprised too. I never thought you planned to leave Kentucky."

"Papa decided he wanted to buy some horses in Europe and he wanted Mama and I to come along. I think he's trying to find a suitable man for me. It hasn't worked so far."

"Are you going to introduce us?" A pretty woman was by Corinne's side and seemed a bit perturbed to be ignored when Corinne was talking to this dark haired, handsome man with the beautiful voice.

"I'm sorry, Adam, this is my cousin, Brenda. She grew up next door to me so we're almost like sisters. She did travel quite a bit and wanted to come along because she enjoyed her grand tour and thought it would be fun again. Brenda, this is Adam Cartwright. He's the wise mouthed cowboy who did his best to one-up me when last we met."

For the next two weeks, Adam spent quite a bit of time with the two ladies. His loneliness forgotten in the company of two young and pretty American women, Adam enjoyed Venice far more than he would have if he had been there alone. It reinforced his belief that his plan to return home was a good one. Corinne was her usual saucy self but also showed a keen mind and she made astute observations about the city, which often were the same or paralleled Adam's ideas. The two of them thought much alike.

Brenda was just as intelligent but with more of a focus on philosophy and the arts. She spoke eloquently of the literary works produced by the Italians both in the classical period and during the Renaissance and was a devoted fan of opera. She and Adam attended several performances to which Corinne declined to accompany them.

"I don't need to hear that screeching. I like a nice sing-a-long song from home with guitar and banjo, please. I have never found all that loud singing in words I can't even understand to be any fun at all."

There were other evenings when Adam played marathon chess matches with Corinne who was a skilled player. Adam enjoyed the challenge of finding ways to defeat her, and her diligence in trying to learn gambits that he would not find easy to counter. They would battle over the chess board, and Brenda would compare them to Hannibal and Caesar. By the time they were scheduled to leave, Adam knew he would miss them both. He had enjoyed all of their time together. On the last day, the three spent some quiet time in a gondola ride that lasted for several hours. That night he bid them both goodbye for they were scheduled to leave early the next morning.

As Adam enjoyed his time in Venice with Corinne and Brenda, his last letter arrived on the Ponderosa. He told them of his upcoming teaching assignment at the University of London, and that he would be coming home after that. He didn't mention his second book because he wasn't sure the publishers would want it.

"Ain't that something! Adam is gonna be a college teacher too. He's really done a lot in the years he's been gone, but the best thing he's done is decide to come back home. Don't you think so, Pa?"

"Hoss, I agree, but I'm concerned that Adam never mentions anything that we write in our letters to him. He's never commented on Joe getting married. He had nothing to say about Jamie joining the family. I have to wonder if he's gotten any of those letters."

"Pa, maybe he ain't been getting our letters. Sure would be a shame ifn he didn't know all that stuff that's been happening here while he's been gone. Uh, Pa, I'm going to take another trip to Sacramento ifn you don't mind?"

"Hoss, you seem to want to visit Sacramento a lot. Is there anything you want to tell me about why you're going there?"

"Nah, I'll tell you when I get back. Now, I'm going up to bed so I can get an early start on my work tomorrow. Once I get everything done that I need to do, I'll be heading out. Candy can handle anything that comes up until I get back. He's got Jamie and Griff to help him if need be."

"Goodnight, Hoss." As Hoss went up the stairs, Ben sat in thought for some time. He suspected that Hoss was seeing a woman in Sacramento. However, his unwillingness to share whom it might be or even that he was seeing someone made Ben believe there was a problem. He wished he could help, but that wasn't possible unless Hoss was willing to open up about what it was. Joe was due home from his honeymoon in the next few days. Ben planned to talk with him about Hoss to see if Joe knew of any way they could help. He couldn't help Adam so many thousands of miles and an ocean away, but he was going to find a way to help Hoss if he could.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Did you like Venetia?" Adam was sitting in the Achilli restaurant talking with Kathy. He had returned home via the Adriatic Sea passing by Sicily on his way to Rome. He had disembarked only an hour before and was keeping his promise to Kathy.

"I'm not sure what I was expecting. It had all the ornate decorations, and lots of marble and frescoes. There were palaces, domes, and bell towers. It has been written about so much that I guess I thought it would be even more fantastic, almost magical. It was very hot many of the days I was there, and often there was a haze that obscured the view. Maybe it's that I found it so different from anywhere else I have ever been."

"Perhaps you were lonely."

Then Adam told her something he should probably have kept to himself. "No, I met some people from America. I knew them and their daughter, Corinne. Corinne and her cousin spent a couple of weeks discovering Venice with me. I must say I enjoyed their company a great deal."

"Is that why you couldn't stay with me? You had a meeting scheduled with other young ladies?"

Adam had seen the tightness around her eyes and her mouth. He knew she was upset, but that made him upset. She had no hold on him, and he had made no promises other than to see her again before he left. "No, I told you the truth. You can believe it or not. I didn't know they were going to be there, but I did enjoy being with someone from my country and seeing things with them." He knew then that he should never have kissed her. She had interpreted that to be far more than he had intended.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted as if I was jealous."

Only both Adam and Kathy knew it was no act. She had been jealous. She wanted Adam, and resented anyone else that he knew who might be a rival for his affections. They spent quite a bit of time talking about what he had seen in Venice and in his voyage from there to Rome including a short stop in Palermo, but the earlier ease of their friendship was gone at least for that night. Adam excused himself after dinner saying that he was tired and needed to get some sleep. The next morning, he went to the restaurant to say goodbye. Giacomo said that Kathy was not feeling well. The two men sat for a time as Adam explained some places in America that Giacomo might find to be a good place for a restaurant business. He included San Francisco which already had a sizeable Italian community and was considerably less crowded and dirty than the cities of the east which were growing so fast by that time and showing the negative impact of that. Thanking him for his advice, Giacomo bid him goodbye and a safe journey.

"Don't worry about Kathy. She is young, and the young fall in love often. She will find someone to love her who will not mind her jealousy." At Adam's surprised look, he continued. "She spoke of you very often while you were gone. She seemed quite possessive even though she told us that you had made no promises to her except to return to talk with her before you left. I knew, and my wife knew, that it was not likely that you were coming back here to tell her you had changed your mind, but she is young, and in her imagination, she created a fantasy. She will learn as she gets older that she cannot dictate how people will feel."

"Thank you for understanding."

"I thank you for not taking advantage of her. I know that must have been difficult, but it was also for the best. Now, good journey to you, and if we go to San Francisco, I will write to you so that you can come to our restaurant where we shall make you the best dinner anyone could make for you. Yes?"

"Yes, and thank you. I hope you do go to San Francisco. California could use more good restaurants."

Waving goodbye, Adam left before Giacomo remembered that they had been holding some letters for him. Giacomo sent a messenger to the ship to deliver them but it had already sailed. Once again, Adam did not get his letters from home. On his return to London, he delivered his manuscript and drawings to his publisher who promised him an answer within a week as to whether they were interested in his book. He got a copy of the book he had illustrated for Helga, and after he paged through it, he included it with a letter to his family.

With several weeks before he began teaching, he thought about seeing Connie but decided against it. He spent his days walking and seeing more of the city, and spent most evenings working on preparations to teach the two classes he had signed on to do. He did a number of drawings to illustrate points for his classes, and began working on building scale models of the Deidesheimer design as well as other work such as balusters, transom windows, joiners, and others. He wanted his class to be practical and hands-on. The University had been pleased with his philosophy of teaching so he felt free to prepare as many models of course topics that as he could. Soon his room was filled with various props.

On the Ponderosa, lots of things were changing. Ben had taken a boy under his wing and was thinking of adopting him. He missed having a young son to guide. Meanwhile Joe and Patricia had settled into married life on the Ponderosa and were building a new house. But even more significant was that Hoss brought not only a wife from Sacramento but a son. Hoss had been seeing a woman there but her family did not approve. When she became with child, they had secretly married so that their child would be legitimate, and it was only when her belly swelled that her Catholic parents relented and accepted that Hoss could marry their daughter. At that point, they had been relieved to find that the two were already married even if they had done it without parental permission. Beth was an active woman who loved the outdoors and seeing new things so she and Hoss were a wonderful match. Once her family got over the religious differences, they were pleased to see how happy Hoss made their daughter, but that paled in comparison to the sheer joy Ben had when he had found out. The Ponderosa hadn't seen that kind of party ever as Ben pulled out all the stops to make sure everyone knew how pleased he was to have a new daughter-in-law and a grandson. Of course, Joe contributed a lot of excitement to the festivities with his ideas, but luckily the fireworks went off as planned as did all the games and activities Joe had for the younger attendees. The house was getting crowded so Candy moved into separate quarters that were added to the bunkhouse, and even Ben looked forward to Joe's house being completed.

More good news arrived with Adam's most recent letter. He told them he was teaching at the University of London but that he would be done in four months and then was coming home. He sent a copy of the book he had illustrated for Helga. As Ben handed the book to his sons, they were amazed.

"He doesn't say anything about anything we told him, but he sends a book for my son. Aaron's a mite young to be reading, but we'll be sure to keep it for him until he's old enough."

Joe was intently looking through the book. "Hey, Hoss, I think this little boy in the drawings is you. It sure looks like you."

Both Hoss and Ben looked over Joe's shoulder then. "Yes, it does, Hoss, but Joe, that's you too. You're the little curly headed boy next to little Hoss."

That got the ladies' attention and they wanted to see the book too. Candy was next to see the book, and Hoss and Joe knew there were going to be stories in the bunkhouse about them pictured as little boys. They were in for some teasing, but didn't mind. It was gratifying to know that Adam had been thinking of them even though he was so far away. For the rest of the evening, the book was passed around as everyone enjoyed all the illustrations featuring the images of Hoss and Joe as little boys with a new pony. The conversation though was on what Adam was doing and why he never mentioned any of the news they had given him in the previous years.

"The only thing he ever said anything about was Candy being foreman. He said he liked that a lot, but he thought it was a funny name for a man." Candy harrumphed at that, but Hoss only laughed. "It is a darn funny name for a man, and you know it. If you wasn't so hard as nails, people would tease ya more about it."

"Yes, I thought he would be pleased about the new businesses we've started especially the paddle-wheeler on the lake. It was his idea to split the Ponderosa into separate businesses, but he's never said a word about that. He certainly said a lot about it before he left." Ben had hoped that all the changes would please Adam and help encourage him to come home, but nothing seemed to have made a difference. He never even acknowledged all the changes Ben had made.

"I know. He's never asked about the horse business either even after I wrote him that long letter all about it and thanking him for the idea and the horses." Joe often had a mix of love and anger with Adam. He still held some resentment over the letter that made them believe he was dead. That he never explained that was a sore point because Joe had seen how deeply sad and hurt his father had been until he realized that Adam was alive.

In London, Adam was very much alive and enjoying his teaching immensely. He had students who were eager to learn and were fascinated by the models he built motivating him to build more. By the time he left, there were going to be a lot of items with his signature on them on the engineering laboratory. As he exited the engineering building one day after completing about two months of teaching or half the term, he was feeling particularly happy until he found Connie outside waiting for him.

"Weren't you even going to tell me that you were back? I had to find out from friends of my brother who are completely enthralled by your classes."

"Connie, it is good to see you, but I didn't want to call on you and give you the wrong impression."

"Oh, that you've decided I could never be the one for you?"

"I don't know. I don't understand what's in my heart, but I can tell you that I firmly intend to return to Nevada at the end of this term, and you would never go with me."

"I might."

"Connie, be honest with yourself. Would you ever be happy in Nevada? It's not at all like England."

"You would be there, and I seriously doubt whether you will stay there. There will be too many other things pulling you away."

"Perhaps, but the woman I want by my side would be one who would make me want to stay there with my family. Could you ever be that woman?"

"Maybe I could, but I fear that you will never give me that chance."

"Connie, I've been gone for over two years. Haven't you found someone else by now?"

"Not like you."

"Maybe that's who you need."

"Now you sound like my father. He wants me to marry a proper Englishman, a member with the same or better social standing."

"And that's important to you too, isn't it? If I wasn't so wealthy and well-known, would you still be interested in me?"

"If I am being brutally honest, I don't know, but I think I would still."

"I don't know what to say. I have two months more here and then I have no more commitments holding me back from going home."

"What of your dreams?"

"I've achieved what I wanted. I made a mark for myself on my own terms. I left things that will outlive me. Now I need the love of a family to make me whole."

"I wish you would consider my family as that family."

"I don't think I ever could."

"Goodbye, Adam. If you change your mind, know that I'll be waiting and would welcome you with all I have to give."

Adam felt the loss as Connie walked away and climbed into a coach that had been waiting. He watched it drive away and wondered if he had done the best thing. For the next two months, he continued to wonder about that and the other women he had known. One woman in particular was in his thoughts and in his dreams more and more as time passed. No matter how often he told himself it was foolish and that what he was feeling was not love, her image was always there. Finally as he finished his teaching assignment and got a copy of his second book from the publishers, he packed to leave London. He had decided to go ask her to marry him and live with him on the Ponderosa. It was with a lighter heart that he left London. He said a prayer each night that his quest would be successful.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 **

After two months of travel and a major disappointment, Adam arrived home. He had a lot of surprises and there was a lot for him to explain about his time away. He met his sisters-in-law, and was introduced to Jamie who was a big shock to him. He met Candy who fit the description Adam had received many years earlier, but was a more genial man than Adam had expected. Adam met a lot of the hands and talked with them. He found one of the most pleasant new things he got to enjoy was sitting by the fireplace holding his nephew who smiled a lot and slept best when being held. After a couple of days, he was back into ranch work, and on this day, his father had asked him to work with Hoss who took him out to repair some fences.

"I envy you so much, Hoss, but in a good way. I'm very happy for you. You have a woman beside you every night in your bed, a woman to welcome you home, and one to smile at you every morning with the first light of dawn."

"Aw, c'mon, Adam, you musta had a bunch of women while you were gone. You shur talked about a bunch of em. Your bed couldn't been empty too often."

"Every night, Hoss, every night."

"What, but, you, really?"

"When I was still in St. Louis after I sent that letter home that I was going to travel, I was feeling a bit sad but free. I found a beautiful woman who would share my bed, for a fee, of course. I was feeling pretty full of myself and ordered some champagne for us. I guess I got her to drink quite a bit more than she usually did. She began to talk. She said when she died, her gravestone would say she was dead and nothing else. It wouldn't even have her true name nor where she was from. Her family would never know where she was buried or even that she was dead. She said she had nothing to show for her life. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said she gave men pleasure and they gave her gold and silver, but no one ever said they loved her, and she would never give anyone a baby to love nor make a home that someone would want to share with her or come home to. It hit me in the face full force then. I may have paid women what they asked and most often a bit more. I may have been tender and kind when I took my pleasure with them, but that was just it. I was taking, not giving anything of myself, but they were giving me some of their soul. I helped rob them of their self-respect, their hope, and any dreams they might still have. After that night, I couldn't bring myself to pay for it. I knew too that to take someone to my bed when I didn't intend to do that for every night of the rest of my life was wrong."

Hoss was very quiet for a time. "What was her name?"

"Robin was her name. I could have just as easily have been Bluebird or Merry or Julia. What does it matter? None of them ever told me their actual name. I got their business name."

"I guess I never thought of it that way. Don't some of em like what they're doing?"

"I suppose so, but how could anyone ever know? They all smile and act like they like it. Robin told me that I knew her as well as I knew the wind that blows through the hills or the clouds that float in the sky. I didn't know her at all."

"Dang, now I'm feeling a mite down."

"Don't feel badly. Appreciate that you have a wonderful woman who loves you and a son who adores you. You're a lucky man."

"And here I was kinda being jealous of all that you did and the places you saw. I guess a man's gotta open his eyes to what's right there in his grasp and not what he ain't got."

"You are a natural philosopher. I should have talked with you more all those years ago."

"Aw, Adam, you still woulda gone. You had to. It was in ya, and it had to get out. You do need to have a good time though. Joe and me are going to town with Griff and Candy tomorrow. We're gotta pick up all the supplies that Pa's got on his list. We'll need two wagons to do it. Then we're gonna have a big steak at the restaurant, and some cool beer to follow. You should come along."

"I'd like that, Hoss. I really would. I need to enjoy the simple pleasures in life."

"So ifn you do find a gal to marry up with?"

"She'll be walking funny for a month at least." The two brothers laughed and continued working.

"Adam, all them gals you got to know. Was there any one of them that was special?"

Nodding, Adam continued to work and Hoss knew he needed time to compose his answer. Finally he spoke, and his voice let Hoss know how painful the memory was. **"I asked one to marry me and live with me here. She said yes, and we were supposed to meet at the church. She had things to take care of, and I had things to do to get ready. She never showed. She sent a note by messenger that she just couldn't give up her life and all that was familiar and safe to come live with me, a virtual stranger, in the wilds of Nevada, a completely strange place for her."**

"That's a tough one. Sorry that had to happen to you. I guess there woulda been a lot for a gal to get used to out here ifn she had never been west."

"Yes, but I think anyone could love it here. I had to get used to a lot when I got back too. I couldn't believe that Joe got married and to a schoolteacher. I would have thought he would have been running in the opposite direction at the mention of the word school instead of chasing after the teacher there."

"She is a right nice gal, smart too."

"Yes, Patricia is a wonderful woman, and just what Joe needed. She seems to have given him all that he needed."

"She has. Jamie gave Pa what he needed too. I think once Joe began to settle down as he was seeing more and more of Patricia, Pa felt like he wasn't needed so much in the family. Jamie really perked him up again. Now you being home, he's got somebody to argue with again. He's gotta be as happy as a hog in fresh mud."

"But nothing shocked me more than having you walk outside carrying a tiny version of you in your arms. I'm an uncle. It still sounds strange to say it."

"And I'm a papa. I can't wait to hear him say it. Beth says that's gonna be a while, but I dream about hearing him say it."

"Hoss, I got a question for you though. Griff looks at me like I did something wrong no matter what the situation is. What's the story there?"

So Hoss had to tell Adam that Griff was a parolee in their father's custody. He told him about the riot at the prison and how Griff should never have been locked up in the first place.

"But that doesn't explain why he looks at me like I'm going to hurt him or already have."

"He looks at everybody like that at first. He went to prison when he was pretty young. You gotta think it was awful for him there. He didn't trust nobody when he got here, even Pa after everything Pa done for him. He and Candy stood toe-to-toe more than once about things. Seems that after that happens, he kinda settles down with ya."

"So I have to get into a fight with him, and then he'll accept me?"

"Well, not necessarily a fight with him, but he's got to see you tested and see how you take it. That's how he gets the measure of a man. You'll do fine. You only been home a week. We're all still getting used to having you here."

"It's weird for me too. Things are the same and different at the same time. I find myself thinking I'll see something familiar and it is but always different too. I felt like I was in good shape too but every night I find a new place to be sore, and the mornings are worse."

Hoss laughed at that one. "That ain't because of the work. That's cause you're getting old."

Shaking his head, Adam decided to broach a subject that might be touchy, but he had to know. "Hoss, why is Joe upset with me."

"Aw, I don't think Joe is upset with you. He's only gettin' used ta having ya back here."

"No, he gives me looks or makes a comment here and there which lets me know there's something smoldering in there. I'd like to know what it is before it blows up in my face. I don't want anything to get in the way of us being family."

"Well, I guess it could be one thing. We all wondered about it, but none of us knows the answer, and you ain't brought it up at all."

"What's that?"

"The letter that said you was gonna be in a duel, and you was only writing it so it could be sent to us if the duel didn't go too good for ya. We thought you were dead. Pa was down so low a snail's belly woulda looked like up to him."

Shocked, Adam had to think back to what had happened and try to piece together why that letter was delivered. "Hoss, I did fight a sword duel with a man, and even though I prepared, the outcome was uncertain. I wrote that letter in case I was killed. I wasn't. I defeated him without drawing blood, but it only made him mad so that night I had to hide out so I wouldn't be murdered by him and his friends. Those who helped got my things from my room. I never knew they sent that letter. No one ever told me. I'm sure they thought they were helping me out. I'm so sorry. Now I need to tell Pa and Joe what happened."

"Not so fast. Pa got over it, and telling him you mighta been killed is no way to make him comfortable. You can tell Joe though. He's the one who's still upset about it. How did you get away without getting killed?"

"Philippe wouldn't dare try to murder me in daylight. He challenged me to a duel with pistols. He missed and turned to run. I fired into the air, and he lost control."

"He wet himself?"

"Yes, I don't think he'll be in any more duels. The laughter was deafening, but I had been ordered to leave Calais so I boarded the ship. My next stop was Gibraltar. That one was kind of unplanned. By the time I got to the south of France and wrote to you again, it was almost time to head to Rome."

"We wrote to you there too. Didn't you get any of our letters?"

"Nothing after the letter about Candy being hired as foreman. I worried a lot about what was going on here. Seems I didn't have to worry at all. Things seem to have gone on just fine without me."

"Now don't you start getting all thinking we didn't miss ya. We coulda used your help a bunch of times. Pa was so happy to hear you was coming home, and so was Joe and me. We had no idea who was gonna take over running some of the stuff we got going with everything that's been changing. We're hired a lot more people, but there still has to be one of us checking on everything. We're hoping that you're gonna take over some of that."

"And yet here we are fixing fence."

"I think Pa wants the men to know that you're just like the rest of us and ain't afraid of hard work. Most of the men working for us now weren't here when you was."

"So I have to prove myself? That I never expected."

"It's not so much proving yourself as it is letting the men know what kind of man you are."

"Seems to be about the same thing."

"Nah, it's just that some got the wrong idea about you."

"Wrong idea?"

"Yeah, cause you write books, and teach, and draw pictures, they mighta been thinking you ain't half barbed wire and the other half dynamite." Adam chuckled and Hoss laughed. "You don't seem so likely to explode as you did before you left though. Why is that?"

"I guess I'm more at peace with myself. I did the things I wanted to do, and I've accepted that not all of it worked out the way I wanted. But I did it on my own terms so there are no regrets. I'm looking forward and not back."

"So you're not planning on leaving again?"

Looking at Hoss and trying to determine the purpose behind this conversation, Adam began to suspect a few things. "Did Pa send us out to work together this week so you could find out the answers to his questions?"

"Nah, not really." At Adam's very skeptical look, Hoss had to be honest. "Well, maybe a bit. Pa's a bit nervous about asking you that. He don't want to do nothing to make you leave."

"None of you did anything to make me leave the first time. I left because I had to leave. You should know that if I had stayed, I would have made all of you as miserable as I was. There were things I needed to do to prove to myself what I could do. If I hadn't gone, I would have doubted myself forever. Do you understand what it is to have a need to do something and not being able to do it?"

"Adam, I always thought you could do anything you set your mind to doing."

"I had to know if I could do the things I had set my mind to do, and I had to do it myself. It's the way I am. Now I've done those things, and I have no reason to leave and to do things by myself."

"Even if you didn't do everything you wanted?"

"What did I miss?"

"You came home alone."

"That wasn't on my original list of things I had to do. It's one of the things I very much hoped would happen, but it didn't. Joe says I'm unlucky in love. I guess he's right on that score."

"He don't say you're unlucky. He says you're snake-bit by the devil himself."

Adam chuckled again but it wasn't with any humor in it. "I could have married, but you could say my bad luck was by my choice."

"Now why would you choose bad luck?"

"Not that, but I could have married if I wanted to stay in England or live in a big mansion in some eastern American city. I could have married if I wanted to hide away and never travel. I could have married if I wanted to be a part of a new family and help them increase their wealth, or do a lot of other things. You're lucky because you found a woman who wouldn't expect you to give up anything you love in order to have her love. My bad luck has been to find women who want something from me that I don't want to give or to give up. I chose to come back here instead of accept life on someone else's terms."

**"Except for that one you asked. How was she different?"**

** "The only thing she asked of me was to love her."**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

It had been a very long week for Adam, and after the few months it took him to get home as well as the disappointment of being jilted, he was ready for a break. Of course before that happened, there were chores to complete. He and Griff had the job of chopping firewood and kindling for the main house and the bunkhouse. The two men worked fairly quietly for a time.

"You don't complain much." Griff had taken a short break from chopping wood. He had drawn the short straw as did Adam who was swinging an axe next to him. The day was getting warm, and with the exertion, both men had their shirts hanging open after only a half hour of chopping wood.

"I like to pick my fights carefully."

"You know that Joe rigged the straws so he and Hoss and Candy didn't get them?"

"Uh-huh."

"That doesn't bother you?"

"Nope. Joe needed to win a few."

"Why?"

"We talked about a few things last night. He's coming to terms with it all, I guess."

"You didn't complain when you and Hoss had to work fences two days in a row either."

"I like working with Hoss. I can talk with him and the work still gets done."

"You don't talk a lot."

"I can talk a lot, but swinging an axe and trying to be careful enough so the doc doesn't have to be called does take quite a bit of concentration."

"You don't like me, do you?"

"Haven't made up my mind one way or the other. Pa and my brothers like you. Candy likes you. I haven't seen anything to make me dislike you, but we haven't been together much either so it's hard to know."

"I thought you didn't like me because you're always looking at me like you expect me to do something wrong."

"Nope, I look at everybody. I've got to get used to how things are around here now."

"But it's your home and your family!"

"Yes, but I've been gone long enough that a lot of changes took place. They're looking at me the same way. Everybody's kinda waiting to see how things play out. Makes everybody a bit on edge."

As Adam worked with Griff splitting wood, he thought about the conversation he had with Joe the night before. As Hoss had suspected, Joe was upset about the letter that was sent but shouldn't have been. Joe did accept and understand Adam's explanation about that, but Adam had noted the stiffness about his younger brother that indicated there was something more that was bothering him.

"Out with it. You may as well tell me everything that's bothering you about me so we can talk about it."

"What makes you think there's anything else that's bothering me? Everything's not always about you."

"Besides the fact that you didn't deny that there were other things bothering you, and that you seem resentful that I'm back?"

Joe was perturbed then even more because Adam had struck at the two sore points he had been nursing for nearly a week. "We've been here working and building the Ponderosa while you were off vacationing for years, and Pa acts like you should just step back into the place you had when you left."

"And you think I shouldn't? What should I do? Ask your forgiveness for my selfishness?"

"Damn, you always make it sound like I don't have real feelings about things; like I shouldn't resent you coming back here and trying to undermine my position."

That raised Adam's ire, and he struggled to keep his temper in check. "Joe, I worked on this ranch twelve years before you took on a full role. I think I paid my dues for my place on this ranch and in this family. Furthermore, I have done nothing to undermine your position here. All Pa and Hoss have said is that they want me to take on some of the work that they can't get done. I have no intention of taking over anything you've been doing."

"So we're right back to where we were before you left?"

"Seems so. We'll always rub each other wrong sometimes, but Joe, know that I love my family and I love the Ponderosa."

"Are you staying this time?"

"I plan to stay. I have no reason to leave."

"Pa wouldn't be able to handle it if you left again. You should have seen him when we thought you were dead."

"Hoss, told me. I had no idea that happened. I am so sorry about that."

"What are your plans then?"

"Pa's kinda finding ways for me to work my way back into the routines around here. Then based on some things he's said, I guess I'll be doing a lot of the traveling for contracts and investments as well has handling a lot of the timber and lumber business."

"Not the horses?"

"No, that's yours, and Hoss and Candy have the cattle. I'm not sure what plans Pa has for Jamie. I don't know him at all so I have no idea what he wants."

"He wants to go to school, but he thought with all the work around here, he shouldn't ask." Joe smiled then realizing that he had surprised Adam with that one. "He wants to be a doctor, so he's as crazy about going to school as you were."

They talked then about possible schools Jamie could attend and how they could talk their father into letting that happen. By the time they finished, they were back into the old camaraderie of hatching schemes and making plans. It had felt good to both of them. Adam spent so much time thinking about his conversation with Joe that he got a bit careless about where he was tossing wood that he had split.

"Hey, watch out. That one almost hit me in the head. I'm gonna start thinking you really don't like me no matter what you said."

"I'm sorry, Griff. I was thinking too much. It's a fault my family knows only too well."

"I get the feeling your family doesn't know you too well at all." That made Adam stop and look at Griff. "There you go staring at me again. That's a habit you gotta do something about. Man in prison stares at you like that, it can only mean a couple of things and none of them good."

"Sorry." Adam thought about what Griff had said. The young man was apparently quite intelligent and observant as well. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You surprised me though and made me think. We already know that too much thinking can interfere with my work so you should try to avoid that."

Griff knew that Adam was being evasive. "So like you just avoided saying anything about what I said."

"It is taking some time for me to fit back in if that's what you mean. Nobody wants to do anything to upset things so everybody's holding back. It's going to take some time to get reacquainted."

"You planning on leaving again?"

"No, I'm planning on staying."

"Good. Your family seems to like having you home."

Smiling Adam tossed more wood onto the stack they had created together. "Maybe at some point, you won't mind having me here either."

"Maybe."

Adam grinned, and Griff couldn't help himself and grinned too. Then the two men laughed and began stacking the wood they had chopped. They were planning to head to town after lunch and both wanted to get this hot chore out of the way so they could get cleaned up. Once Hoss and Joe got back and cleaned up, Candy was also there and ready to go. They headed out with two wagons and three men riding. Adam had a saddle blanket pad on the bench seat that got him some teasing, but he only said they were jealous because of the soft ride he was having. Griff was driving the other wagon, and Adam had put a saddle blanket on that bench seat as well. He nodded when Adam answered the critics. The ride to town was uneventful, but as they drove into town, Adam created quite a disturbance. All five men saw a pretty woman standing at the stage depot, but Adam pulled up his team, jumped from the wagon, and got a number of swear words directed his way as he made his way across the street causing others to have to pull up. Once he reached the stage depot, he reached out to the woman standing there by putting his hand on her arm.

"You came."

She turned, and at seeing him, she smiled with joy. "I did. I changed my mind and tried to catch up to you, but everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. I'm here now."

Taking each of her hands in one of his, Adam looked into her eyes. "You will marry me, live with me, and be my wife?"

"A bit redundant, Adam, but yes, yes, and yes."

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Adam pulled her to him and kissed her with far more passion than anyone would have found acceptable for a man kissing a woman in public. He didn't care what anyone thought. She wrapped her arms around his neck and reciprocated in full measure.

Candy walked up to Joe who was staring at his brother and was shocked at what had happened. "Hey, Joe, you said your brother was never very lucky with the ladies. If that's the kind of bad luck he has, I want some too."

Griff leaned toward Joe with his own comment. "I want to know what he said to her to get her to kiss him like that."

Hoss didn't look nearly as surprised. He leaned against the buckboard and smiled. Griff had to ask why he wasn't as surprised as Joe. "Adam told me he had asked some gal to come here with him to be his wife. She said yes but then changed her mind. I'm guessing she done changed her mind back the other way again."

"What's her name?" Joe was very curious now. Adam often told Hoss things that he didn't tell anyone else.

"He didn't say exactly. I'm guessing ifn we wait just a bit, he'll be introducing us to her."

As Adam broke the kiss, he wasn't ready to let go. "I want to get married today. I don't want to miss another minute with you." She nodded. "Now I want to introduce you to my brothers, and to two of my new friends who work on the Ponderosa."

As Adam turned to guide her across the street, his brothers as well as Griff and Candy doffed their hats in preparation for meeting the young lady. Suddenly Adam stopped and turned the lady back toward the stage depot, and the men wondered what was wrong. Adam leaned down close to her, and it was clear they were having a conversation.

"What's your real name, and don't you dare say Robin. I am not calling you Robin for the rest of my life."

"My name is kind of ordinary. It's Debra."

"Debra. Hmm. I like it. Alright, Debra, are you ready to meet my brothers and our friends?"

After introducing her, Adam asked if someone would go get Ben and Jamie as well as Beth and Patricia. He asked if they would pack some of his clothing and his shaving kit. He didn't plan to go back to the Ponderosa for a few days. He meant to make up for lost time, and Debra smiled when he told her. Carrying her luggage, he walked to the hotel with her and then reserved the largest suite they had. He went up to her room with her and asked if she had a dress suitable for getting married.

"I brought my more conventional clothing with me. As you had suggested, I signed over the house to the girls there so I left them my more risqué clothing as well."

"I hope you didn't leave it all behind." Adam had a very hopeful look that made her smile.

Debra pointed to the smallest of her three bags. "I brought some things to wear for you in private if you wanted that. I think you'll be pleased." That made Adam smile with a rather sexy look for his intended.

"No regrets?"

"Not once I was able to make the decision. I had saved my money to get myself from having to be with men for money, but running that house kept me as locked in that lifestyle as if I still was. You were right. You were right about a lot of things. To get the things I truly wanted from life, I had to leave all of that behind."

"What would you have done if I had said no?"

"I would have been terribly unhappy about that, but I would have kept going. I would never go back to that life. I have enough money so I would have been able to start up a legitimate business if I had to. I'm very glad I don't. In fact, I'm ecstatic. I'm already getting something I thought I would never have: marriage to a man who will give me his love. I think that you and I will be very happy together. I look forward to getting to know you. It's kind of odd. I love you because of what you have offered me and how you treated me, and I like you, but I know so little about you. It's just that there was something about you that made me trust you. You were honest with me when most men wouldn't be in those circumstances, and you were the only man who was ever with me who cared if I enjoyed our time together or not. You cared about what happened to me."

"Do you have family to tell? I mean you're getting married. I would think your family would want to know."

"I can let them know, but I doubt that I will hear from them. I left under difficult circumstances, and if they have any idea what I did for a couple of years, they'll never want to have any contact with me. What I still don't understand is how you can be so forgiving of what I did."

"People do what they think they have to do. I did. You did. Now we'll live together and do things together. We'll look forward and not back. No regrets."

"All right. Forward and not back. No regrets."

"I'll wait for you downstairs in the lobby. Wait, Debra, one more question. How old are you? It won't make a difference but I would like to know."

"Twenty-eight and I'm from southern Wisconsin, and I grew up in a very strict religious household and family. I didn't like it and left. St. Louis wasn't that far from there so it's possible that my family found out how I made my living after I left. Does your family know anything about me?"

"Hoss knows, but he'll never say anything."

"It's funny. I knew that big man had to be your brother Hoss because of a few other things you told me years ago, but I had no idea who your other brother was. He looks less like you than the other two do. In fact, if you were a bit older, Griff could be your son. He looks a lot like you."

"Debra, I'm forty-one. I could be Griff's father if age was the only factor."

"Hmm, you're very handsome and sweet too. I'll be down in a few minutes. Or you can wait right here if you don't trust me." She could see it in his eyes. "Sit right there. In a few hours we'll be married, and you've already seen all of me anyway." Adam did try to look away when she slipped off her clothing and dressed in clean underclothing and a clean dress, but he couldn't. He had to take a few peeks. When she finished and put her shoes on, she looked to where he was sitting and trying not to look so obvious about how curious he was. "I know you looked. I don't mind. I'm glad you still want me after all the other women you've probably bedded in the last five years."

"There was no one."

"What?"

"After those things you told me that night we were together, I couldn't bring myself to do it." And Adam told Debra the same story he had told Hoss. Debra was amazed.

"No wonder you want to get married right away and not waste a minute. Adam, you're going to have a great first night of being married. I promise you that." Debra wasn't joking about that.

After Ben and Jamie and Patricia and Beth got to town, the family as well as Griff and Candy walked with Adam and Debra to the minister's home. After a quick and private consultation with the couple, the minister said he would be more than happy to perform a marriage ceremony. Ben was rather in shock, but Jamie was thinking this oldest brother of his was an exciting addition to the family for it certainly was never boring when he was around. After dinner with everyone, and after the appropriate toasts were made, Ben stopped by Adam's side as Adam and Debra bid goodbye to their guests.

"Son, I can see how happy you are. I don't know all the background for how this came to be, but I'm happy for you. I look forward to getting to know your wife. If you don't mind, I would like to start planning a party for next weekend to celebrate your marriage?"

"I think that would be fine, Pa, but nothing too elaborate, please."

"Only a few hundred of our closest friends?" Ben chuckled at Adam's horrified expression. "Don't worry. I got to do that with Hoss' wedding and to celebrate my first grandson. Joe's wedding was almost as big. This will be a much smaller and more sedate gathering. I think I remember the kind of party you like."

"Pa, just don't let Joe in charge of anything. I truly do not want a circus."

"I know exactly what you mean. We'll keep a tight rein on him. Thank you, Adam."

"Thank you, Pa. We'll be home in a few days."  
>After Ben followed the others out of the restaurant, Adam offered his arm to his bride,<p>

and they headed back up to their suite. Once they were in the privacy of their suite, Adam began to show Debra how much he appreciated her, and she showed him that they were going to have a very exciting and interesting marriage.


End file.
